About: cherylmoeller
- Website
- http://www.momlaughs.blogspot.com
- Bio
- Cheryl Moeller cranks up the spin cycle on her washing machine and life to help moms cope with too much laundry, raising preschoolers (on 12 hours of sleep per year), surviving teenagers, pleasing relatives, understanding spouses, and the 1,000 other challenges. She uses her over-the-counter humor to make moms laugh until it feels better. You’ll see how God is really there for moms in all circumstances. Cheryl, a columnist on CWAHM, is a mom of 6, stand up comic, humor syndicated columnist and author.
Author's Posts
Lexi’s Homeschool Diary
July 7, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Written by Cheryl and MacKenzie Moeller
Illustrated by Linda Gredy
This lovable, educational, and ground-breaking read-to-yourself and read-aloud E-Book is one of the first to feature modern-day homeschooled characters as the central figures. It’s an 85 page heart warming account of Lexi and her homeschool family told through the perspective of her colorful and imaginative diary entries. Read more
TMYP: Text Message Your Preschooler
May 29, 2008 | Leave a Comment
photo credit: andrew_Lin
There will come a time in a child’s life when they are finally too old for the baby monitor…
That’s when it’s time to move on to cell phone text messaging between you and your preschoolers. Forget those outdated phonetics and learning the ABC’s — today’s hip family is moving straight into texting. Everything these days from business alerts to love notes are getting abbreviated in texts. Kids don’t need to learn to read “See Spot run.” They need to be able to alert their mothers to pending demands for munchies: *S4C = Starving for Cookies. See how it works? Read more
Wedding Gift Basket from Marriage Vine
May 17, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Happy Mother’s Day Game: “Meal or No Meal?”
April 27, 2008 | Leave a Comment
For Mother’s Day week, I have added my own game show to the tradition of “Deal or no Deal?” I’m calling it “Meal or No Meal?”
I think I can compete with “Deal or No Deal?” host Howie Mandel but I refuse to shave my head.
My show works this way.
I have just been on a homeschool field trip to measure the width at the widest spot in the Fox River, the pediatrician, the post office, the oil change place, and pharmacy. But, of course, I am expected at 6:00 Pm to be home and produce a sumptuous, savory, and satisfying meal. Read more
Myths of birth order dispelled
March 30, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Does anyone have an older sibling that still treats them like they are five? Okay that’s me and I have three of them.
I love my older sisters, but they have always been my older sisters. It started when they were born first.
I always got the hand-me-downs. By the time I got the hoola hoop, it was square. When I got the easy bake oven, it had e-coli. And when I finally got the Ken and Barbie doll, they were already in a mid-life crisis.
Well, sometimes my oldest sister would watch us three younger sisters. My mom would give us four dolls and a stack of saltine crackers for a snack. She would of course decide when it was time to feed us. We would all sit there like baby robins in a nest with our mouths open waiting for her to drop something in our mouths – so she would ask if we wanted the cracker with or without salt. If we wanted it without salt she would take a cracker and lick the salt off and then hand it to us. It took the meaning of sodium free to a whole new level.
The 7-up Slurpee that we all shared… Well, that is why I have emotional backwash to this day.
How many of your remember when jelly came in those little Flintstone glasses? The neat thing was when you were done with the jelly – then you could wash the little glass jar and then use it at the table as a glass – if you ate enough jelly you could furnish a whole set — even Martha Stewart hadn’t thought of that. One day I accidentally broke one – and one of my older sisters said, “How come can’t we keep anything nice around here?”
I love being the youngest in the family but some people don’t like their birth order. The problem? The problem is all those books out there about birth order. And all of us believe it and live by it as though it were all true.
Well, I say if you don’t like your order in the family why not change it so you end up where really want to be?
How can that be done? Well, what do you do if you didn’t like your first, middle or last name? You’d go to court and have it changed. Want to be first born? The youngest? Disappear in the middle? Go on the Web, find a site created by lawyers to change your birth order, download the forms, and voila! You’re now top of the heap and can run the universe. Or, if you’re now the baby of the family you can stomp your feet, get big alligator tears and threaten to go tell Mom and Dad even if you are 38.
To change your birth order you might try telling people the hospital got the ink footprints mixed up and actually you were born a decade before your oldest sister who looks nine years older than you. You can then go over to your (former) oldest sister’s home, knock on her door, and shout, “Give me back my make-up purse! Who said you could borrow it in the first place? And don’t let me ever find you in my bathroom again!”
Or, finally, to change your birth order go to HighSchoolReunion.com and use Photoshop to insert your own picture into the class of ’86 where your brother’s face used to be. The amazing result? Suddenly, you’re now Wally Cleaver and he’s the Beaver. Even Ward and June are too old to go ape over something like that.
Finally, remember birth order begins to repeat itself in large families with every fourth child. This is mainly because no birth order book has more than four types of children so then by the fifth one the child starts acting like the first one. If someone could think of another chapter it would likely transform families overnight.
Birth order, according to some authors, affects everything about your life. It affects whether or not you have asthma, what type of exercise program you should undertake and whether the leaves turn in your front yard turn to autumn colors before or after others in your family.
Basically if you know about birth order, you don’t need to know anything else. And why should you?
You already have a brother who knows everything for you.
——————–
By Cheryl and Bob Moeller
Cheryl Moeller is a columnist for www.mommiesmagazine.com. She’s also an outrageous stand up comic for moms. Her syndicated humor columns will make you laugh until you feel better. Find out more about her new CD “Spin Cycle,” her humor columns and how you can bring her to speak at your mom’s group at www.momlaughs.blogspot.com
She has co-authored two books. Marriage Minutes, Moody Press and For Better, For Worse, For Keeps, Marrriagevine Press can be purchased on www.momlaughs.blogspot.com.
It’s Time for Spring Housecleaning
March 26, 2008 | Leave a Comment
One of our most difficult choices was to sell a new home we had built a year earlier. No, we didn’t have mold in the basement or obnoxious neighbors living next door; we just couldn’t afford it. We were house poor and we were honest enough to admit it. Moving into a house half the size meant we had to swallow a great deal of our pride.
Why was that so hard to do that one spring? Materialism teaches the lie that we are what we own. It promises that whatever we lack in our self-confidence we can make up in what we own.
God offers a wonderful alternative to materialism. It’s called contentment. Contentment is the choice we make to be at peace with the provisions God has placed in our lives. It’s a radical and counter-cultural thought.
Who we are is shaped by what we worship. True self-confidence comes from worshiping Jesus Christ. He allows us to be at peace with what we own, even if God never adds anything to it. If we have worked hard and followed Christ diligently, then all we own is all God must believe that we need for right now. Do you know the best news of all? God’s contentment doesn’t cost us a thing - except our misery.
Maybe instead of just doing spring housecleaning this year you need to consider downsizing to give yourself time for what is really important. Maybe you don’t need to sell your home but maybe you need to give up something else that is hindering the new true wealth which is time. You will finally be able to afford both quality and quantity time with your family. You may finally have time for a date night every week with your spouse. You may have time to deepen your relationship with Christ. You may have time to find that Christ can meet your needs in any and every situation because you won’t be chasing and running after everything else. You may have time for Scripture memory, prayer, church attendance, and Bible study.
At the Christian college that Bob attended a most unusual college course was offered. For thirty days each January during the coldest month of the year in Minnesota, a history professor took students to live in what what was known as “The Depression House.” The idea was to replicate the difficult conditions of rural America in the 1930’s. For one month the students would forego hamburgers, pizza, and tacos for a diet consisting of cornmeal, homemade bread, and beans.
The irony is that students flocked to the course. The majority were from affluent homes in which they had never known deprivation or struggle. The value of the course was that they discovered true contentment and happiness can survive even a Depression.
The apostle Paul from the New Testament wrote most of his letters while held in damp and dreary prisons. We can assure you those awful prisons needed a real spring housecleaning but Paul could speak of joy and contentment because he discovered that even in prison Christ is present and alive. The secret of contentment for the Apostle Paul was his relationship with Jesus Christ.
“I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.” Philippians 4:12b
God wants us to learn the lesson in our family and marriage that Christ is contentment. That’s the secret to really doing a spring housecleaning where it matters most - in your soul.
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By Cheryl and Bob Moeller
Cheryl Moeller is a columnist for www.mommiesmagazine.com. She’s also an outrageous stand up comic for moms. Her syndicated humor columns will make you laugh until you feel better. Find out more about her new CD “Spin Cycle,” her humor columns and how you can bring her to speak at your mom’s group at www.momlaughs.blogspot.com
Bob is President of Marriage. His conference website is www.forkeepsconference.com. He is a pastor, speaker, TV show host, and writer on marriage issues.
They have co-authored two books. Marriage Minutes, Moody Press and For Better, For Worse, For Keeps, Marrriagevine Press can be purchased on www.momlaughs.blogspot.com.
How to Teach Your Children the Most Important Thing about Easter
March 14, 2008 | Leave a Comment
by Cheryl and Bob Moeller
At Easter we try to explain the resurrection of Christ to our children in a unique way so they will really understand it.
Numerous people have questioned and even ridiculed the idea of the resurrection of Jesus over the centuries. The author of The Passover Plot suggests that Jesus swooned or fainted on the cross. The author then claims that Jesus was later revived by the cool, moist air of the tomb.
Despite such novel theories that attempt to explain away the resurrection of Christ, Josh McDowell in Evidence That Demands a Verdict, points out several key historical facts that have never been refuted. (1)
We want our children to learn AND remember the Easter story. So we will try to not only tell but also show them what it all means.
This year on Easter Sunday morning our six children will get in their Easter baskets, along with 2 feet chocolate bunnies and lots of jelly beans, a plastic Ziplock bag filled with 6 special objects. These objects are symbols of historical facts that have never been refuted about the Easter Story.
1. Jesus predicted His resurrection. Before His death Jesus told His disciples that
“They will mock him, insult him, spit on him, flog him, and kill him. On the third day
he will rise again” (Luke 18:32-33).
For the first object we place in each Ziplock bag is a three inch piece of string
to symbolize a whip used to beat Jesus.
2. Jesus suffered actual death. Numerous doctors, researchers, and pathologists who have
examined the account of Jesus’ death have concluded He was definitely dead when He was
taken down from the Cross.
For the second one we place in their Ziplock bag is a blunt nail to represent
the Cross and the agony Jesus suffered there for us.
3. Jesus was buried. No one has suggested, not even His enemies among the religious
leaders of that day, that Jesus was never buried. The leaders went to the ruling Roman
governor Pontuis Pilate and pleaded that the tomb be sealed and guarded (Matthew
27:62-66). No one would ask that an empty tomb be guarded.
For the third one we place in the Ziplock bag is a small rock to represent that
the tomb was sealed.
4. The tomb was empty - except for the grave clothes. If the tomb of Jesus wasn’t
empty on Easter morning, the ruling officials would have just had to produce the body
for public viewing. They would have silenced everyone.
For the fourth symbol we place in the Ziplock bag is a white kleenex to
represent the grave clothes.
5. Despite centuries of attacks no critic has been able to adquately explain away
the resurrection. Even Christ’s enemies never refuted His resurrection. Although the
early believers were persecuted for their faith, the facts of Jesus’ resurrection were
never publicly protested or refuted by His enemies (Acts 5:27-31).
For the fifth one we place in the Ziplock bag is a small Cross.
6. The disciples’ lives were changed. Jesus’ followers were demoralized, frightened,
and confused after His death. Then something significant changed this group of cowering
fugitives into a group of fearless evangelists. What was it? The answer is
simple-they saw the risen Jesus.
For the sixth symbol we place in the Ziplock bag is a toothpick to represent a
match, showing that a fire was started and it’s a Flame that cannot be
extinguished.
Each one in our family has have been transformed because we too have met the
risen Jesus. Our sins are forgiven, our future in heaven guaranteed, and
our daily life filled with His living Presence. The key is to place your entire faith on
His finished work on the Cross. Our prayer for ourselves and our children is that we
will be an irrefutable, living argument for the resurrection of Christ
“After He said all of this, he showed then His hands and side. The disciples were
overjoyed when they saw the Lord.” John 20:20
footnote
(1) Josh McDowell, Evidence that Demands a Verdict, vol. I (San Bernardino, CA: Campus
Crusade for Christ, 1972).
———————————————————
Bob Moeller is President of Marriagevine. Conference site is:
www.forkeepsconference.com
Cheryl Moeller is a stand up comic and humor columnist for moms.
www.momlaughs.blogspot.com
Together they have authored two books on marriage. Both books Marriage Minutes,
Moody Press 2000, and For Better, For Worse, For Keeps, Marriagevine 2007, can be
purchased on the conference website above.
Read the Instructions or Else!
February 26, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Kenzie’s dream was a lofty one — to sit upon her own throne on her 9 th birthday and unwrap her gifts. So she talked me into buying a Strawberry Shortcake inflatable chair to be used to fulfill not only her royal ambitions but another dream as well. When we moved into our current home four years ago she exacted a promise that I would decorate her room in pink. As you guessed it is still blue, but for one Strawberry Shortcake throw pillow, a Strawberry Shortcake poster, and an inflatable pink throne she would consider her room officially decorated until she Read more
Saint Patrick’s Day: Is Love only for the Lucky?
February 26, 2008 | Leave a Comment
Hunter and Haley have been married nearly ten years. They already have two preschoolers. To outsiders, their marriage would appear to be a success, but not everything is as appearances suggest. Before they were married Hunter wanted to go overseas and teach English in a two-thirds world country. Haley resisted the idea, citing health concerns, poor pay, and the lack of good schools for their children. To accommodate his wife, Hunter reluctantly gave up his dream and has spent his career in a civil service position instead.
Today he finds himself struggling with anger and resentment toward her. He seems obsessed with the past, imagining what life could have been like it he had not listened to her. “If only,” he says day after day to himself. “If only I had followed my heart.”
Jack and Courtney have been married seven years. Jack comes home from work one day and finds the house strangely quiet. When he walks up to their bedroom, he discovers Courtney’s closet is empty. Bewilderment soon gives way to panic, and Jack begins furiously searching the house for some clue to what has happened. In his hunt, he at first misses the obvious - a note pinned to a throw pillow on the bed. Trembling, he picks it up and scans its contents.
“Dear Jack, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. But it’s the only way I know to get your attention. I’ve been trying to tell you for a long time that I couldn’t go on with things the way they are. But you wouldn’t listen. Maybe now you will. Don’t try to contact me. Right now I just need space. Don’t worry about Lexi; I have her with me. Love, Courtney.
Jim and Jen are on the third day of their honeymoon in the Caribbean. Seated on the balcony of their hotel room overlooking the crystal-green ocean and coral white beaches, Jen believes it is an ideal setting for love. But Jim is unusually quiet.
“What’s wrong dear?” she asks, reaching out for his hand.
Jim feigns a smile. “Nothing, sweetheart.”
“No, really, something’s bothering you. Please tell me what it is.”
Jim looks away, a pained expression on his face. “I’ve been struggling the last few days. I…I’m not sure I should have married you, I just don’t know if I love you or not.”
Jen stares at her new husband for a moment, then she runs inside the hotel room. Jim can hear muffled sobs. He feels awful for what he just said but it is true. At last his agony is out.
What do these three stories have in common? They’re stories of marriages that have gone from “the better” to the “the worse.” They’re stories of people who need to learn to love each other again and to discover that God’s plan for their lives includes the person they married “for keeps.”
Many people believe that lifetime love is only for the lucky or the strong. God’s design for marriage is for every couple to know true intimacy, deep fulfillment, and the exhilarating experience of being loved just for who they are.
Yes, the design for marriage and the reality of marriage often don’t match. Each year millions of couples choose divorce, adultery, or an armed truce as a means of coping with a disappointing marriage. But it doesn’t have to be that way.
Is Love only for the Lucky? No, instead hope, love, grace, a fresh start, a second chance - these are the essentials of renewing a marriage when the going gets tough.
When Bob was in high school he worked nights as a janitor in the Department of Agriculture building. Besides cleaning bathrooms and emptying wastebaskets, he was assigned a highly critical task: buffing the tile floors on the perimeter of the office complex.
You might not be familiar with what a buffing machine looks like. It resembles an upright vacuum cleaner with handlebars and a giant circular disk on the bottom the size of a manhole cover. As the disk spins around at the speed of light, it polishes the floor.
Using only one finger, the foreman demonstrated the relative ease of operating this high-powered machine. He slid the machine effortlessly back and forth across the tile. Together, he and the buffing machine resembled an Olympic figure skating pair, gliding on ice, responding in perfect synchronization to each other’s moves.
“There they go, Katie. This is the last move in the compulsories. They’re going to attempt a double axle. Yes! They’ve done it! A perfect 10!
“Do you think you can handle it?” the foreman asked.
“Piece of cake,” Bob replied.
As the foreman waved good-night, Bob swaggered up to the machine like John Wayne approaching a horse. Bob grabbed both handles, closed his eyes, and squeezed the trigger. The machine bolted away from me like a crazed Doberman pinscher on a short leash.
Bob desperately tried to hang on as the machine careened from one side of the hallway to the other. It would bang into one side of the wall and then another. Bob consoled himself with the Russian proverb, “Every beginning is hard.” In this case it was brutal.
Then the worst case scenario happened. As Bob went past the head supervisor’s office (the Grand Poobah of the Agriculture Department), his buffing machine leaped from the floor onto his carpet. Bob stood helpless, unable to react as the buffing machine whirled round and round, driving all the dirt, wax, and foreign particles from the hallway deep into the plush pile of the chief executive’s carpet. Bob buffed the boss’ rug! Stunned, he left from the office before he could do any further damage, dragging the machine with him.
The next day he came to work prepared to pick up his last paycheck. As he approached the foreman, a grin crept across his face. “I see you had a little problem last night.”
“I guess it got away from me.” he mumbled.
“Don’t worry. I cleaned it up before work this morning. The supervisor doesn’t know anything about it. You’ll get the hang of it.”
For reasons he still doesn’t understand he was given a second chance when he really didn’t deserve one. That’s the nature of grace.
You may have been pummeled, punched, and dragged down the hallway by the disappointments in your marriage. The fabric of your relationship maybe marred by deep, ugly, and stubborn memories. You may be all but certain it’s over. That’s where the power and strength of your vows can carry you through the tough times you’re facing. You can learn to love again. It’s not just luck.
Your promises to each other can put your marriage back on track. But to turn “for worse” into “for better” you will need to give and receive grace from one another. You will need to put the past behind and allow love to be rekindled. You will need to go beyond disappointment and despair and seek the beauty and reality of true intimacy. Fortunately, God is in the buiness of grace and will help you each step of the way.
A friend of ours was going through a difficult phase in his marriage when he came home one day to find the oak coat rack standing in the middle of the hallway. His wife had covered it with yellow ribbons and placed on it a note that read, “Who cares if it’s not a real oak tree? Any old oak tree will do. I love you.” His encounter with her unconditional love was a breakthrough. From that day on, their marriage started to change, for better.
On this St. Patrick’s Day remember love isn’t for the lucky; it’s for people of grace.
by Cheryl and Bob Moeller
Bob is President of MarriageVine. They have a national marriage ministry including a conference you can check out on www.forkeepsconference.com. Bob has written seven books and together they have written two books on Marriage. They have been married for 28 years and have 6 children ranging in age from 9 to 25.
Cheryl is also a stand up comic for moms. You can check out her syndicated columns and appearances at www.momlaughs.blogspot.com
Mom’s 2008 New Year’s Resolutions One Month Later
February 8, 2008 | Leave a Comment
January 1st: “My children and I will learn Modern Hebrew this year.”
February 1st: “My children and I will weekly eat one dozen bagels with lox.”
January 1st: “I will get the kids the pet they’ve always wanted.”
February 1st: “I will buy a collar and a leash for my chia plant.” Read more