About: Kelly C
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Dealing with Loss
October 24, 2006 | Leave a Comment
Dealing with Loss, far from home
The idea of losing a loved one is almost unimaginable; we hope to never have to experience such pain. When the time comes, however, it can be greatly more powerful when far from home. The military offers many opportunities for travel, for experience, for adventure, all of which can not be denied or taken fro granted. The downside though is the separation from family, especially in the event of loss. I had an experience like this several years ago.
I received a phone call early one morning, my mom was on the other line telling me my dad had passed away. While I not spoken to him in several years, the impact of that loss was more than I could bear. To compound my sorrow was the fact that at the time we lived in Texas, my dad had died in Pennsylvania. My husband was on deployment for six months and our three daughters were still in school. I had made plans to go home for a few weeks that summer and we were too leave in 3 weeks. I was not able to change my tickets and missed the funeral. When I did arrive home three weeks later I went to the cemetery and cried. He was gone, he had been alone in his final hours and I could not even make for his funeral.
I am not sure we are ever prepared for such experiences, life takes us in many directions – but not all are understandable. From this one I believe we learned the importance of family more, the importance of availability even when we do not think it is possible. There is always a way, if we look and we ask for the direction to go. While this is not solely related to the military, it is a lesson for us all.
What’s Left After Summer
August 10, 2006 | Leave a Comment
Ok, admit it, you look forward to summer vacation. The kids are gone all day in school for 9 months, we rarely get to spend time together - so summer comes and it’s the perfect opportunity to spend some time together. i wish I had given my girls the memo.
The dreams of summer vacation begin around April, time begins to pass slower and you know it’s coming. The weather is getting warmer, jackets are being put away and life is new again. I’ve dreamt of spending time with my girls, just hanging out with not a care in the world. Instead I have 7 teenage girls, on average, in my house at any one time. Computer, TV, Music going all at the same time. I see them from time to time, usually around lunch time as they pull themselves out of bed to brave the sun of the afternoon - when i’ve been up for 6 hours already.
You would think that they would be excited about summer vacation. With how often we’ve moved there is usually something new to see, to learn, to experience. To them the experience can be found in the new mall they have yet to discover. Ever state has a mall, every town has a mall - but no, each one is different and it must be explored. They suddenly come home with friends, they have a knack now for making friends, and it’s like we have lived wherever we are for years.
So what is left after Summer? My desire for quiet, for my TV not to be on 24/7, for time to read a book and actually get some work done. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to write with teenagers running rampant?
I guess it seems like a nightmare when you see it written like this, but it really isn’t. While I will be glad when school starts on September 5th, not that i’m counting, I will still miss them. At least during the summer they are with me, they are still my ‘little girls,’ and I can see them growing and enjoying life. Oh, they can also bring me Tylenol.
So, here’s to summer - enjoy it, because come September (Or August, depending on where you live) the Tylenol will find it’s way back to shelf, the house will become quiet and the insanity you wished to be over, will be missed.
So, what’s left after Summer? Memories!
Summer Vacations
July 24, 2006 | Leave a Comment
Summer vacations are the highlight of the summer. From the minute school lets out, kids are ready to go and anxious to see the newest destination. Not to be singled out, but military kids have a bit of an advantage; the opportunity to travel the country or the world, not only during summer but all year long. One of our trips was in December 1999; my husband was being transferred from Texas to New Jersey. After spending a couple weeks packing and preparing our girls for yet another new school we set out for our trip. We would take 3 days for the trip, taking our time and enjoying the drive across the country. At the time our girls were 10, 9 and 6; old enough to appreciate the journey and gather memories along the way. We had 2 cars, my husband and I each drove dividing the girls between us at each stop. We traveled through Louisiana, passing through the Bayou the girls were mesmerized by the water and wondered where the alligators were. (I guess they do listen in school) As we got into Alabama, we stopped at a rest stop on the highway; inside they had a small museum showing the history of the state. On the wall was a large picture of the country group Alabama, you could see the pride in their faces. From Alabama the trip continued north, though not many more stops were made. The weather was not cooperating and we wanted to make up time. I guess the story here is, though we have driven half across the country several times, flown to other places and seen many sites, you can make memorable vacations even if you are only minutes from home.
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New Beginnings
May 24, 2006 | Leave a Comment
New Beginnings
What do you think of when you think of a new beginning? Your first job, getting married the birth of a child? Those are the most common but there are some we may not think of.
New beginnings too many people mean moving into a new house, for kids it’s starting a new school, for adults maybe starting a new job. All of these options are ones lived each day in the military. As with the seasons, these new beginnings come at certain times.
It is traditional for most military families to move at certain times of the year. The plans start early in the year. Spring cleaning takes on a whole new meaning when you know you’re house will be packed up in less than 6 weeks. As June approaches, the kids are getting out of school, vacations are being planned and moving vans dot the streets. It’s moving season, the beginning of a long summer of trucks, good-bye picnics, road trips and wondering what the next place will be like.
Time once again for a new beginning. It’s time to unpack, set up a new house, and visit the new schools and the new job. Get to know the neighbors and find things to do in the area. It’s the beginning of a new adventure.
As summer fades into fall, the beginnings start again. It is the second phase of the year, the beginning of cleaning, for those moving in November and December. Soon the moving trucks will dot the new street and good-byes will be said to long time friends and some you’ve just met. They are off to their new beginning.
It’s a cycle that does not end. If it sounds a little chaotic, it is. If it sounds a little lonely, it very much is. But it is also an adventure; each move is a new beginning. A chance to start again, meet new people, see new things and experience a part of life you may not have had the chance to see before.
New beginnings are not always obvious; sometimes we have to look for them.
Murphy’s Law
May 15, 2006 | Leave a Comment
We’ve all heard of Murphy’s Law, we are well aware of the fact that whatever can go wrong at some point will and usually at the worst time. I have come to the conclusion that Military makes sure this old saying comes true.
Life is an adventure in the military, we would move often, was able to discover new places and cultures. Sometimes, though, the adventures were less welcome, though did make life an adventure.
My husband was in the Navy, many times being deployed for weeks or months at a time. There were also time when he was home with us for long periods of time. When he was home we were able to get many things done. I had help around the house, our girls were able to spend time with their dad and life was pretty calm…….
That always comes to a quick end when the ship leaves port again………. It was almost guaranteed that within hours of the ship leaving port whatever could wrong, would and with much fanfare. We had one such incident when our girls were ages, 7, 6, and 4. Brianna, who was 6 at the time was playing T-ball. Meghan (then 7) and Jordyn (then 4) played near the bleachers, as I watched their sister on the field. I had told them not to play on the bleachers, you know the usual warnings. Not 10 minutes later there was a cry, I knew the cry…….one of those cries that tells you that something is very wrong. I looked over and saw Meghan on the ground crying and holding her wrist. In trying to jump off the bleachers she tripped and fell, breaking her wrist. Now, i’m thinking, and working out the logistics as i find ice and try to comfort by ‘baby.’ The game was stopped so Brianna could leave, I got Jordyn in her car seat and drove to a friend’s house, who I really hoped was home. Really frustrating was that her house was the opposite direction of the Emergency Room. Meghan sat in the front seat holding ice and crying. Brianna and Jordyn, not sure what exactly was happening, sat quiet in the back.
I did finally get to the hospital, her wrist was broken. She broke both bones, straight across and was put in a cast up to her shoulder. Through the adventure my husband had no idea what was happening, he would find out when he came home a week later and Meghan opened the door proudly displaying her cast. I love kids………
Did I mention through this that Jordyn was also in a cast at the time, up to her shoulder, due to a problem with her elbow. The military is not only an adventure for the guys!
Paper Chains and Map Pins
March 1, 2006 | Leave a Comment
The day always starts with the realization that someone is missing. The alarm clock rings, but I am the only one there to turn it off. Quickly I am brought back to reality and the day begins. I wander to our daughters’ room and wake them up for school. It’s 6am. After showers, getting dressed, breakfast, checking backpacks and gathering lunches we head out the door to wait for the bus. For a short time they aren’t thinking about their dad being gone, they are able to talk with their friends and compare notes with them about where their dad’s are. To anyone else it may seem like a strange conversation, but to them it is perfectly normal.
Once the bus arrives I am off to class. Now that the girls are older I am able to do some things for myself. I am carrying a full course load at the local community college. I attend class from 8am until 1pm, working on my Associates Degree in Psychology
The girls will be home from school soon, so I will have a short amount of time to clean up around the house, check the mail, plan dinner and relax for a few minutes. At 3pm the door flies open to the sound of endless chatter. Backpacks are thrown in my direction as they head to the kitchen for a snack. I slowly go through the bags and ask about their day. It wll be a quick dinner tonight, as there is soccer practice at 6pm. After a quick snack the girls sit down to do homework. While they work I prepare dinner, find missing shin guards and cleats. I’m starting to wonder if the end of the day will arive, I’m getting tired. Homework is finished and we eat dinner, do the dishes and rush out the door to head to the field for practice. As they do their workouts I sit in the car and do my homework for school and prepare my work for tomorrow.
By 7:30pm we are back home, everyone is tired. The girls grab a snack and sit down with me while we check their email and find out where their dad is tonight, what ports of call he has visited, what he has been doing and most importantly what he bought to bring home to them. The girls each have a letter to read and take turns writing a short letter to their dad telling him what they have been doing. After everyone is done we go to the world map and mark the course the ship in on, after marking the map the girls remove a link from the chain they made from construction paper. It lines the living room and reminds us each day that the end to this deployment will come and dad will be home. By 9pm they are in bed and i’m able to sit and relax at last. I lock up the house and sit at the computer to write an email to my husband and read what he sent to me. As I think of what to write to him, I think of all he is missing of our girls growing up, the soccer games he will miss this weekend and wonder what I will do this year for our anniversary, since I will once again spend it alone. I want to keep my letter upbeat so he won’t worry about us, it’s hard though because I want to tell him everything that is going on and that I need his help and someone to talk to. I fight to keep my thoughts on my letter and pray that he will not worry about us and concentrate on his job and come home safely. His job is to defend our country, my job is to kep the home fires burning for him.
By 10pm i’m tired and ready for bed. I go upstairs and lay down to watch some TV and unwind. I think of what I must do tomorrow as I set the alarm and drift off to sleep. One day is complete, only 5 more months to go. It seems like an eternity, but we’ve been through it before. It never gets easier, the same pain and loneliness are there each time, but with each day, each deployment we get better at it and learn the best ways to live.