“I’m not a baby” he sings. As I say come here baby, and wipe his nose. “You’re wiping too hard, Mommy.” “Sorry baby,” I respond. “I’m not a baby!” He reminds me once again. And it’s true he is not a baby anymore. My Eddie is growing up. He will be four this year; he was two when I started this column. Eddie is much taller, inquisitive and confident as an almost four year old.

He likes to wear cool clothes. “What are cool clothes, Eddie?” I just had to know. So I listened as he explained, cool clothes are shirts that are green (green being his favorite color) and they have to have a collar. Cool pants are jeans, not corduroys which I think look adorable on him. Cool jackets are jackets with a hood, if it doesn’t have a hood than it just ain’t cool. I’m so glad I have someone young enough in my life to keep me up to date with the “cool fashions” without my Eddie where would I be. I tell you where I’d be, falling into fashion less pit of pitiful outdated and very uncool clothes.

Eddie is also the captain of a basketball team where apparently several of his classmates are also teammates. “They don’t listen to me.” He complains. Well this is a problem that Eddie will probably run into much more often as he climbs the tree of success. But I won’t tell him that now, I rather him have fun imagining he is the captain of a team that no one knows that they are a part of. It makes him feel good, and it just let’s me know that he is setting high goals for himself, he’s already a leader.

For Martin Luther King’s birthday, Eddie saw a film in school and told me all about the history of Martin Luther. He got all the important points correct. “He had a dream of peace, and died because someone shot him. He wanted everyone to live together and don’t shoot anybody.” Eddie loves to learn and that is the most amazing part. He is only three and learning things that I didn’t learn about until I was in the fourth or fifth grade. Today’s youth, really are learning faster and quicker than we ever did. Of course I had him recite these well known facts to all my friends and they were amazed. I was well, simply proud.

And then for the rest of the day, we have conversations about his day at school and my day at work. And then it’s bed time. Eddie lies down to go to sleep but before he does he says. Mom will you sing “Twinkle, Twinkle little star to me.” I do.” Then I give him a kiss and say “Goodnight baby”, forgetting for a moment that he is not a baby anymore. But he is off to sleep now, so there is no rebuttal, just soft sounds of a very tired little boy, who will always be my baby.

Eddie is growing up right before my eyes. I call him baby a lot and he always reminds me that he is a big boy. It seems like yesterday when his head fit in the palm of my hand and I carried him around the house like a football. And now that Christmas is upon us, I believe he knows that I am Santa Claus but when I tell him that Santa is watching him, he acts like he is surprised but only to appease me. Because we all know that the whole Santa thing is our fun, not theirs. The kids just want some presents and they don’t really care where they come from.

My friends asked me how did it feel when I finally had a baby. And I told them when he cries it is music to my ears and it was. When he cries now, it isn’t music that I hear so much anymore. I hear his aches and pains or frustration and I comfort him. I’m a tell you, the time I enjoy the most is writing about Eddie. I dreamed of Eddie two years before he was conceived. He was riding a bike and talking. Just like he does now, talk, talk, talk. He told me that he was going to be a writer just like me. He had an atitude of maturity the same way he has now, with his three year old self.

I can’t help but fear for him in this crazy world of war,capitalism and violence. Look at our schools. Just this week at a High School in Springfield just outside of Philadelphia a student killed himself inside of the school halls ways. How tragic that this young man was filled with so much pain that he couldn’t go to anyone for support. Our children are so precious and need encouragement.

I am trying to let my son know that I love him and will always be there for him no matter what. I want him to come to me with all his problems and we will work them out together. I have found songs by Corine Bailey Rae to be very soothing to my soul. I listened to a song called “Like a Star” it is a love song, but I insert my love for Eddie in there and the song just means so much more to me. Check out her CD, she is very smooth.

If my friends were to ask me now, how do I enjoy motherhood I will tell them. My son is a talker, and a very good one. When I listen to his voice and opinions I know that I’m listening to a beautiful song that existed long before I knew that he was coming to me. He was always there, right there in the music.

When it comes to my son Eddie one song that stays on my mind is the opening song for the television series The Courtship of Eddie’s father, do you remember it, “People let me tell you ‘bout my best friend.” Well that song was an absolute inspiration for me when naming my son. But ultimately I named my son after my father, Edward Mack. But it is that song that rings in my head when I think of my son.

My son came back from his vacation potty trained as my brother and his wife said he would. I love them for that, and could never repay them for the time that they took out for Eddie. Eddie enjoyed a wonderful summer of playing at the beach, cookouts, Summer Bible School, Six Flags, and going to the movies. It wasn’t until we went to one of the Kiddy amusement parks that turned my summer into a nightmare.

There we are having fun riding on the rollercoaster and then taking pictures with some of the characters when a tornado of children all ran up at the same time to hug the character. I placed the camera up to face to take Eddie’s picture and when I took the camera away he was gone. The character walked away and all the children disappeared as fast as they had appeared. I became stiff with fear.

“Eddie” I called. Afraid to move I began to turn around, and around calling Eddie. Other concerned mothers began asking me; what does he have on, what does he look like? One mother suggested that I go to the lost and found. That was not option. I was not going to leave the spot that I last saw my son. Now I knew how Jodie Foster’s character felt in the movie Flight Plan, when she thought she lost her daughter in the airport.

I began calling for Eddie for what seemed like a year. I screamed out for him, each time louder and more authoritive than before, hoping that he would answer me. Or that whoever may have grabbed him would let him go and bring my son back to me. I was beginning to think of all kinds of scenarios. I thought how could I go home without my son. I thought about the many other parents who have lost their children to kidnappers and never saw there children again. I thought about every parent who has lost a child and have to live the rest of their lives without their precious child. I thought about my life without Eddie and I began to get angry and called one more time to him as if I could move mountains with my voice. Finally from a distance I saw a woman emerge from the crowd holding the hand of a little boy. I could tell from where I was that it was Eddie. I called to him one more time, this time more relieved than sounding like a desperate mother. She turned him over to me, and I don’t even think I said thank you in my relief that my son was back in my arms.

Every time now when I hold my son, I hold him knowing that I am blessed to have a son and blessed each day that he is in my life. Any moment could be our last time together and I want to make sure that I don’t waste any time not loving my son.

Do I still get angry with him, when he is disobedient; yes. But still I love him and cherish his very existence. And then there is that song that rings in my head every time I think of Eddie, “People let me tell you ‘bout my best friend”.

It is not easy being away from Eddie for this long. Every day I think about getting into my car and driving to go pick him up, but then I hear the sounds of peace and tranquility calling out to me and I regain my sanity. Eddie is having fun; every night when I call he tells me about his day, he sounds happy and is even speaking much clearer over the telephone. That is until he really tries to describe something to me, and then it sounds a little like this, “I was, going, and then I saw over to the can man.” I just respond, “That’s wonderful.” And he seems to accept that.

Recently while at church I found out that Eddie is a musician. He saw a lady playing the piano and he went up and stood beside her and let his little fingers roll over the keys. He looked like a natural on that piano. The drums caught his attention so he gave us a solo. Eddie is interested in music so I am going to get him music lessons. I will probably start out with the piano, since he likes that. Eddie is also a marvelous singer. We sing together, and then I let him go for it, and he sings his little heart out with an original song. The ladies at church always ask about Eddie, they want to know where he is, I respond,

He is spending time with family out of time. They say, “ooohhh, you got rid of him.” I smile and say no, “Eddie is on vacation.”

Now that Eddie is on vacation I have so much more time in the morning. I can actually drink a cup of coffee before I go to work. I can even take a bath after work, instead of just a two minute shower in the morning. Slowly I am reminded of how my life used to be before Eddie you know having, free time, or “me time.” Now I relax as I drive home, instead of the mad dash to pick Eddie up before 6:00pm when the daycare closes and charges me ten bucks for every fifteen minutes I’m late. Yes, it feels good. But Eddie has changed my life, because now I have purpose. I have everlasting love and a friendship that is so different than any other I can not even describe. Being a mommy is something you have to experience, it is the greatest joy on Earth. But I wouldn’t know anything about that right now, because I am in heaven.

Eddie decided that he was going to milk the sick thing for all it was worth. He had me running up and down the steps getting water, milk, crackers, holding him, rocking him, cleaning him, taking temperatures, measuring cough medicine and Tylenol. And also somewhere along the line of me working and him going to school he had put himself on a three C’s diet, candy, chips and cookies. So it was hard for me to get him to eat anything. I was exhausted. Somewhere along this journey my son got the ideal that he was in charge and decided that he was not going to take no for an answer for anything. Eddie was having a ball, a monster’s ball.

Our stomach virus lasted eight days. The days seemed to last longer than twenty four hours, on the third morning of the sickness, he woke up demanding Cheetos for breakfast when I refused to give it to him he must of cried for 40 minutes. 40 minutes of non-stop screaming and crying that chewed into every ounce of patience I had, but remarkably I managed to ignore it until he stopped. It wasn’t easy because remember I am sick too.

My son will turn three on April 29, and I have never spanked my son. When talking to him I always ask his opinion on things. Mistake number one, Eddie is a two year old little boy; he doesn’t know what he wants. In fact I had gotten to the point where I would hug and squeeze him joyfully saying, “one thousand kisses a day” someone please tell me, what spaceship was I flying? I was in the beginning stages of creating, yes, Franken-Eddie, the monster from beyond.

Day four, I call my brother who lives in Maryland for some advice because he has raised teenagers, and I am at wits end. My brother’s advice was to make him go to bed at a certain time, around 7:30 pm. “Do not let him get in bed with me, because he needs to learn to sleep alone. Eddie doesn’t decide what time he is going to bed, you do.” I didn’t take his advice at first but later I would remember his wise plan of action and put it into motion.

Day five, Eddie is out of control. He is telling me that he is a man; he is in charge. He is talking back, hitting me, walking up to me and giving me fair warning that he is about to kick me, with his foot behind him in the kicking position. While I’m sitting in the rocking chair trying to figure out where this monster came from, I heard the words of my

brother coming back to me, “You have to let him know that you are in charge. Because you don’t want to have this problem when he gets older, he will have no respect for you.

On the fifth night of the illness, Eddie refused to go to bed. For the first time in almost three years I pulled his pants down and spanked his bare bottom. Not too hard, I didn’t want to hurt him, just let him know what I will not tolerate his disobedience any longer.

Day Seven, I took Eddie to the doctor because he still had diarrhea. I told his doctor what was going on, how he was refusing to eat, and how he had put himself on a junk food diet. His doctor told me simply, “You can’t let him run the show.” You tell him eat a bite of your dinner, then I will give you some milk. Then increase it to two bites, then some milk. Then increase it again to three bites and then some milk. Change his snacks to peanut butter crackers and cheese chunks. Instead of cheetos and lollipops.

Finally I began to see my mistake. As much as I loved my son I was doing him a disservice. Eddie wanted me to take control; he was really stressed because he had so much control. I was trying to be nice and not chastise my son. But really I was making it difficult for him to just be a two year old. He had too many options and too much freedom.

To my surprise after implementing all the advice that had been given to me I began to see a change in Eddie. His behavior did a 360, Eddie began to go to sleep when I put him in his bed. He started to eat his dinner and seem to be a happier kid all around. Now, I know that Eddie can still revert to his monsterism so I have to keep him in check but that’s what being a Mommie is all about.

Eddie is a daredevil. He is focused on his toys and getting dressed comes secondary to everything right now. I finally scoop him up again and manage to put his shirt on his head, but I don’t get a chance to pull it down so now he is stumbling around saying “ I can’t see, I can’t see” I pull the shirt down over his head and see that beautiful face with a big grin on it. “You got me.”

Finally he is off to school; I give a kiss and tell him to have a great day. Before I know it, the sun begins to fade and the clock strikes 5:00 p.m. and it is time to pick up Eddie. As soon as he gets in the car I ask him, how was his day. “Good” he responds and then begins to tell me things he did in school today, he sang songs, and played with the kids. Oh and don’t believe the hype about Mommies being the only ones who know what their kids are saying, because we don’t. There are many times when I find myself telling Eddie “oh that is nice.” And don’t have a clue what he just said. My conversations with Eddie are delightful, his stories are priceless and I love listening.

During the day he is a tyrant, but now as we enter the house he is tired and hungry. Eddie is a picky eater so I tell him that he has to eat all his food in order to get big and strong. He accepts that and eats some of his potatoes and then bends his arm to make a muscle for me. He plays with his trucks before lying down with me on the sofa to watch Wheel of Fortune. Just as I’m about to figure out the puzzle my concentration is broken, when I hear “I want some milk”. I go get his milk because I know it helps him go to sleep.

By the time I get back Vanna is turning over letters for a new puzzle. I lay back down, Eddie is happy now he has his milk. When he is finished he is ready to snuggle. I tickle him and we play, he goes to brush his teeth and we play some more before he falls asleep. I carry him off to his bed and lay him down. And it is then and only then that I see a silhouette of a pair of wings. There he is my angel, I missed him all day, but he always shows up at night, and once again it all makes sense to me.