Wedding Gift Basket from Marriage Vine

It’s Time for Spring Housecleaning

One of our most difficult choices was to sell a new home we had built a year earlier. No, we didn’t have mold in the basement or obnoxious neighbors living next door; we just couldn’t afford it. We were house poor and we were honest enough to admit it. Moving into a house half the size meant we had to swallow a great deal of our pride.

Why was that so hard to do that one spring? Materialism teaches the lie that we are what we own. It promises that whatever we lack in our self-confidence we can make up in what we own.

God offers a wonderful alternative to materialism. It’s called contentment. Contentment is the choice we make to be at peace with the provisions God has placed in our lives. It’s a radical and counter-cultural thought.

Who we are is shaped by what we worship. True self-confidence comes from worshiping Jesus Christ. He allows us to be at peace with what we own, even if God never adds anything to it. If we have worked hard and followed Christ diligently, then all we own is all God must believe that we need for right now. Do you know the best news of all? God’s contentment doesn’t cost us a thing - except our misery.

Maybe instead of just doing spring housecleaning this year you need to consider downsizing to give yourself time for what is really important. Maybe you don’t need to sell your home but maybe you need to give up something else that is hindering the new true wealth which is time. You will finally be able to afford both quality and quantity time with your family. You may finally have time for a date night every week with your spouse. You may have time to deepen your relationship with Christ. You may have time to find that Christ can meet your needs in any and every situation because you won’t be chasing and running after everything else. You may have time for Scripture memory, prayer, church attendance, and Bible study.

At the Christian college that Bob attended a most unusual college course was offered. For thirty days each January during the coldest month of the year in Minnesota, a history professor took students to live in what what was known as “The Depression House.” The idea was to replicate the difficult conditions of rural America in the 1930’s. For one month the students would forego hamburgers, pizza, and tacos for a diet consisting of cornmeal, homemade bread, and beans.

The irony is that students flocked to the course. The majority were from affluent homes in which they had never known deprivation or struggle. The value of the course was that they discovered true contentment and happiness can survive even a Depression.

The apostle Paul from the New Testament wrote most of his letters while held in damp and dreary prisons. We can assure you those awful prisons needed a real spring housecleaning but Paul could speak of joy and contentment because he discovered that even in prison Christ is present and alive. The secret of contentment for the Apostle Paul was his relationship with Jesus Christ.

“I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.” Philippians 4:12b

God wants us to learn the lesson in our family and marriage that Christ is contentment. That’s the secret to really doing a spring housecleaning where it matters most - in your soul.

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By Cheryl and Bob Moeller
Cheryl Moeller is a columnist for www.mommiesmagazine.com. She’s also an outrageous stand up comic for moms. Her syndicated humor columns will make you laugh until you feel better. Find out more about her new CD “Spin Cycle,” her humor columns and how you can bring her to speak at your mom’s group at www.momlaughs.blogspot.com

Bob is President of Marriage. His conference website is www.forkeepsconference.com. He is a pastor, speaker, TV show host, and writer on marriage issues.

They have co-authored two books. Marriage Minutes, Moody Press and For Better, For Worse, For Keeps, Marrriagevine Press can be purchased on www.momlaughs.blogspot.com.

Saint Patrick’s Day: Is Love only for the Lucky?

photo credit: Sister72

Hunter and Haley have been married nearly ten years. They already have two preschoolers. To outsiders, their marriage would appear to be a success, but not everything is as appearances suggest. Before they were married Hunter wanted to go overseas and teach English in a two-thirds world country. Haley resisted the idea, citing health concerns, poor pay, and the lack of good schools for their children. To accommodate his wife, Hunter reluctantly gave up his dream and has spent his career in a civil service position instead.

Today he finds himself struggling with anger and resentment toward her. He seems obsessed with the past, imagining what life could have been like it he had not listened to her. “If only,” he says day after day to himself. “If only I had followed my heart.”

Jack and Courtney have been married seven years. Jack comes home from work one day and finds the house strangely quiet. When he walks up to their bedroom, he discovers Courtney’s closet is empty. Bewilderment soon gives way to panic, and Jack begins furiously searching the house for some clue to what has happened. In his hunt, he at first misses the obvious - a note pinned to a throw pillow on the bed. Trembling, he picks it up and scans its contents.

“Dear Jack, this is the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. But it’s the only way I know to get your attention. I’ve been trying to tell you for a long time that I couldn’t go on with things the way they are. But you wouldn’t listen. Maybe now you will. Don’t try to contact me. Right now I just need space. Don’t worry about Lexi; I have her with me. Love, Courtney.

Jim and Jen are on the third day of their honeymoon in the Caribbean. Seated on the balcony of their hotel room overlooking the crystal-green ocean and coral white beaches, Jen believes it is an ideal setting for love. But Jim is unusually quiet.

“What’s wrong dear?” she asks, reaching out for his hand.

Jim feigns a smile. “Nothing, sweetheart.”

“No, really, something’s bothering you. Please tell me what it is.”

Jim looks away, a pained expression on his face. “I’ve been struggling the last few days. I…I’m not sure I should have married you, I just don’t know if I love you or not.”

Jen stares at her new husband for a moment, then she runs inside the hotel room. Jim can hear muffled sobs. He feels awful for what he just said but it is true. At last his agony is out.

What do these three stories have in common? They’re stories of marriages that have gone from “the better” to the “the worse.” They’re stories of people who need to learn to love each other again and to discover that God’s plan for their lives includes the person they married “for keeps.”

Many people believe that lifetime love is only for the lucky or the strong. God’s design for marriage is for every couple to know true intimacy, deep fulfillment, and the exhilarating experience of being loved just for who they are.

Yes, the design for marriage and the reality of marriage often don’t match. Each year millions of couples choose divorce, adultery, or an armed truce as a means of coping with a disappointing marriage. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Is Love only for the Lucky? No, instead hope, love, grace, a fresh start, a second chance - these are the essentials of renewing a marriage when the going gets tough.

When Bob was in high school he worked nights as a janitor in the Department of Agriculture building. Besides cleaning bathrooms and emptying wastebaskets, he was assigned a highly critical task: buffing the tile floors on the perimeter of the office complex.

You might not be familiar with what a buffing machine looks like. It resembles an upright vacuum cleaner with handlebars and a giant circular disk on the bottom the size of a manhole cover. As the disk spins around at the speed of light, it polishes the floor.

Using only one finger, the foreman demonstrated the relative ease of operating this high-powered machine. He slid the machine effortlessly back and forth across the tile. Together, he and the buffing machine resembled an Olympic figure skating pair, gliding on ice, responding in perfect synchronization to each other’s moves.

“There they go, Katie. This is the last move in the compulsories. They’re going to attempt a double axle. Yes! They’ve done it! A perfect 10!

“Do you think you can handle it?” the foreman asked.

“Piece of cake,” Bob replied.

As the foreman waved good-night, Bob swaggered up to the machine like John Wayne approaching a horse. Bob grabbed both handles, closed his eyes, and squeezed the trigger. The machine bolted away from me like a crazed Doberman pinscher on a short leash.

Bob desperately tried to hang on as the machine careened from one side of the hallway to the other. It would bang into one side of the wall and then another. Bob consoled himself with the Russian proverb, “Every beginning is hard.” In this case it was brutal.

Then the worst case scenario happened. As Bob went past the head supervisor’s office (the Grand Poobah of the Agriculture Department), his buffing machine leaped from the floor onto his carpet. Bob stood helpless, unable to react as the buffing machine whirled round and round, driving all the dirt, wax, and foreign particles from the hallway deep into the plush pile of the chief executive’s carpet. Bob buffed the boss’ rug! Stunned, he left from the office before he could do any further damage, dragging the machine with him.

The next day he came to work prepared to pick up his last paycheck. As he approached the foreman, a grin crept across his face. “I see you had a little problem last night.”

“I guess it got away from me.” he mumbled.

“Don’t worry. I cleaned it up before work this morning. The supervisor doesn’t know anything about it. You’ll get the hang of it.”

For reasons he still doesn’t understand he was given a second chance when he really didn’t deserve one. That’s the nature of grace.

You may have been pummeled, punched, and dragged down the hallway by the disappointments in your marriage. The fabric of your relationship maybe marred by deep, ugly, and stubborn memories. You may be all but certain it’s over. That’s where the power and strength of your vows can carry you through the tough times you’re facing. You can learn to love again. It’s not just luck.

Your promises to each other can put your marriage back on track. But to turn “for worse” into “for better” you will need to give and receive grace from one another. You will need to put the past behind and allow love to be rekindled. You will need to go beyond disappointment and despair and seek the beauty and reality of true intimacy. Fortunately, God is in the buiness of grace and will help you each step of the way.

A friend of ours was going through a difficult phase in his marriage when he came home one day to find the oak coat rack standing in the middle of the hallway. His wife had covered it with yellow ribbons and placed on it a note that read, “Who cares if it’s not a real oak tree? Any old oak tree will do. I love you.” His encounter with her unconditional love was a breakthrough. From that day on, their marriage started to change, for better.

On this St. Patrick’s Day remember love isn’t for the lucky; it’s for people of grace.

by Cheryl and Bob Moeller

Bob is President of MarriageVine.  They have a national marriage ministry including a conference you can check out on www.forkeepsconference.com.  Bob has written seven books and together they have written two books on Marriage.  They have been married for 28 years and have 6 children ranging in age from 9 to 25.

Cheryl is also a stand up comic for moms.  You can check out her syndicated columns and appearances at www.momlaughs.blogspot.com

Who is Cheryl Moeller?

Who is Cheryl Moeller and why is she Wanted in Most States? (She is wanted to
make moms laugh!)

Cheryl Moeller is a seasoned mother and an outrageous stand up comic who will
make you laugh until it comes out your nose. She uses her over-the-counter-top
humor to bring hope and encouragement to moms trying to cope with the
everydayness of life. She believes parents can experience new energy and
vitality in enjoying clean and honest humor, a view echoed by the ancient writer
of Proverbs 31:25, “She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at
the days to come.”
Read more

Turn up the Romance on Valentine’s Day

A Romance Quiz

Are the following statements true or false?

1. Romance is primarily for the unmarried.
2. Romance lasts only during courtship.
3. Romance requires great expense and effort.
4. Only women need romance in a relationship.
5. Romance should lead to sex.
6. Romance isn’t a spiritual concept.
7. Romance grows weaker with age.
Read more