To Potty Train, or Not to Potty Train?

For anyone who is struggling with potty training ideas or concern, I have a son who just turned 3. We saw the Pediatrician for his check-up, and discussed potty training. My son has the concept down, but only has concern for going when he chooses.

I am a firm believer in letting my children have some control of their lives. This is a very important developmental stage for them. Many children are forced or manipulated to potty train before they are ready. This can stem from circumstances beyond our control. I have the luxury of being a stay-at-home mom. Therefore, I can allow my children to grow as they are ready.

However, there are many moms who do not have this luxury. They are forced to abide by their daycare’s regulation that before a child can enter into the next classroom, they must be potty trained. I find this ridiculous. The daycare centers are setting a standard not by intellectual capabilities, but by a child’s comfort zone. The Pediatrician confirmed that there is no need to push him to use the potty. The more it is his idea, and I praise him, the more he will want to go. By forcing a child to learn, if they cannot they feel like failures.

Our children will struggle through many tribulations in life without us as parents creating them. So, for those of you moms that have an option, do not make your child afraid of having an accident, let them guide you in what they are ready for.

Chicken Soup for the Soul Needs Stories About Twins and Multiples

Chicken Soup for the Soul: Twins and More

Whether you are a twin, the parent of twins, related to twins, acquainted with twins or just simply fascinated with twins, you’re sure to have an inspirational, humorous, or touching story about this relationship! We are looking for stories and poems that highlight the special bond that twins share, the joys and challenges of raising twins, the unique circumstances of their arrival, the “double trouble” that twins get into, the “multiple blessings” of being a twin or having them in the family, and much more! We’d love to hear about triplets, quads and more, too. As with all Chicken Soup for the Soul stories, they should be told in the first person, not be previously published, and not exceed 1,200 words. Topics may include but are not limited to:

• The journey through infertility, resulting in twin blessings
• The joys and challenges of pregnancy with multiples
• The perils of prematurity and life in the NICU
• Getting the good news and sharing it with others
• Sleepless nights and endless feedings
• The incidents that make twins “double trouble”
• The pranks and “switcheroos” pulled by identical twins
• Being a singleton in a home with multiples
• The chaos and silliness of everyday life with twins
• The special bond that twins share
• Adventures in double potty-training
• Getting out and about with twins, whether it’s to the store or on vacation
• Grandparenting twins
• Twins who arrive under special circumstances, such as adoption or surrogacy
• Single parenting with multiples
• Raising twins in a gay household
• The loss of a twin sibling
• Tackling the teenage years as a twin
• Twin tales from preschool, elementary school, high school and adult life

. . . and more!

If your story is selected for publication, you will receive $200, ten free copies of the book (worth more than $100) and a 50-word bio in the book. We cannot use previously published stories, but you will retain the rights to sell your story after it is published by Chicken Soup.

Please submit your stories through the Chicken Soup web site at www.chickensoup.com (click on “Submit a Story”).

DEADLINE: OCTOBER 15, 2008

Stress Reduction Tips For Working Mothers

For a working mom, their “work” day never really ends. They may go to work from 9-5 and come home, but they come home to more work. They have a family to feed and take care of and a house to keep in order. They never really have a chance to leave their work stress at the door when they come home to their family.

 

Since they’re constantly on the go, they find it hard to balance their work life with their family life. When the line between work and home can’t be seen, stress from one has free reign to the other. They start to realize that they don’t know if they’re coming or going anymore.

There are two types of working moms. Those that work outside of the home and those who work inside their home. Those that work outside the home tend to have more socializing opportunities, but they have less time for meeting the needs of their family.

The moms who work from their home tend to have more flexibility with their time, but they face long hours of isolation or having only children for company. They desire some adult conversation to keep them sane. Here are some tips to both types of working moms reduce stress, so they can get their life back:

Exercise- Exercise is not only good for your body, but also for your mind. It can be a good stress reliever. Try to work in some time into your work week for exercise. It helps to raise your heart rate which promotes good blood circulation and makes you feel good. It can also give you some alone time or time with a friend to chat about adult topics instead of things that interest children.  

Recruit others for help-Utilize your friends and family to help you out. They can help you with babysitting, cleaning, organizing, painting or whatever you need. The extra hands can enable you to go out, get the house cleaned, or even just to take a much needed nap. The person, who said that it takes a village to raise a child, knew what they were talking about. Use others to your advantage. Get your children involved as well, in activities like cleaning to take some of the load off you.

Hire out for certain jobs.  In some cases, your friends and family aren’t able to help you, so don’t be afraid to hire someone to help you out. It’s better to fork over a little money to a maid service or a babysitter than to drive yourself crazy with the added stress. The costs will be low, since you’ll use these services once in awhile versus all the time.

Establish work times-If you work outside of the home, then make sure your work doesn’t come with you to stay. If you’re off at 5, then stop your working gears and start your family gears until it’s time to go back to work. If you work at home, be sure to set your work times and stick to them. During work hours, your mind should be on work. Afterwards, your mind should be with your family. 

Working part time- If the stress of working full time becomes too much for you to handle with the family life then consider cutting back to part time. Check your family’s budget and see if cuts can be made to allow you to cut your working hours. The stress of working too many hours while juggling home life isn’t worth your sanity if you can’t get extra help.  

Working moms bring added income to the family, which is nice, but stress can make it seem not worth your time. Learning to reduce stress can help you keep your family life and work life in sync. A good balance of both in your life can make for a happier you.

 

Being a working mom can be extremely rewarding, but it’s challenging. Get the help you need with Real Life Guidance to Balancing Work and Family.  It’s your practical guide to tracking your time, setting priorities, learning to say no and achieving that balance you strive for.

How To Help Your Teens To Become More Organized

How To Help Your Teens To Become More Organized

Some would joke that the only way to motivate teens is to threaten or bribe them, well those may work but in the long run, they won’t teach your teen the valuable lesson of accountability {smile}.

As you know, teens never seem to lack motivation to do what they want to do — talk on the phone, meet up with friends, go to the movies, etc. But, when it comes down to getting them to do the things that we want them to do and the things that the need to do, that seems to be a different story.

Here are some tips that we as parents can use to help motivate our teens to become more organized.

Build your teens confidence by identifying the ways in which he or she is already organized. Everyone, including your teen, shows signs of being organized with some things. Teens love to be acknowledged for a job well done so if your child does a great job organizing his or her school work or his or her clothes, try to encourage them to apply those same organizational skills to the other areas in their life that can use some organizational help.

Teach them & Have fun. Perhaps your teen really doesn’t know where to begin! Socks here and there, books under the bed, clothes stuffed behind the hamper. All of this can seem like a battle for them that is useless to fight. Why not set up a date with your child to organize his/her space together. Turn on the radio (to their favorite station of course) and together work to de-clutter the space. Keep in mind that your organizational style my not work for them so ask them questions as you go along and try to help them figure out a way to organize things so that it is easy to keep up. Another fun way to get them motivated is to provide fun, funky and cool storage bins to use for those small items that seem to just collect in the corners of their rooms.

Set Clear Rules and Let them set the schedule: Be sure that you set clear rules as to what is allowable daily clutter and what isn’t. For instance, if you don’t allow food or dishes in your teen’s room, be sure that they are following those rules and respecting them. If shoes on the floor are OK, then let them know that as well. Teens need clear-cut rules to follow. Sit down with you teen and simply ask them “What day can you carve out at least 1 hr to do a full room cleaning?” and let your teen set a day (either weekly or biweekly). What this does is let them know you value their time and schedule and it makes them accountable.

Finally, be sure you reward and commend your teens organizing successes with either a small token of additional freedom or kind words. Keep in mind that being organized is all about being responsible. For a teenager, gaining trust and freedom from parents is one of the biggest motivations of all.

Want more tips on parenting your teenager? Visit Parenting My Teen. It provides free resources and a free podcast for parents.

The Importance of Family Time

Whether we are working outside of the home or inside the home, it is becoming increasingly more difficult in the age of “instant communication” to take some TIME OUT for family. We have the cell phone, Blackberry, Instant Messaging, and the list goes on of ways that we can be contacted instantaneously. And in each of those moments our attention is diverted from whatever we were doing to give our attention to the “new” pressing issue.

Let’s face it; most of us take Family Time for granted. If you are working outside of the home, it is easy to let those precious few evening hours be taken up with phone calls, returning email, putting “final touches” on work related items, etc. If you are working in the home the distractions are similar; phone calls, volunteerism, housework, etc. The point is that working parents (both inside & outside the home) are letting outside influences take precedence over Family Time. Would we let having to stay an additional hour at work in order to send the CEO the sales figures for the 1^st quarter have priority over our child’s ballet recital? Would we allow getting the last load of clothes laundered take precedence over singing “The Wheels on the Bus” (for the 100^th time) with your toddler? Each of these things is important and depending upon our value system at the time any of these activities may or may not make it to your priority list. If you “schedule” the time, you may be able to get more “Family Time” than you thought.

Here are a few tips to finding more Family Time:

SCHEDULE IT! – Almost everyone has some system of remembering all the things that need to be done at work/home. Whether it is a Day-Timer, a Blackberry, a refrigerator calendar you have a way to keep track of the myriad of activities in your family. Family Time is a priority that you want to find time for so schedule it. In our home, Friday night from 6:30pm until the kids’ bedtime is Family Time. We all have to do an activity together. Each child gets a chance to choose what he/she would like to do for our Family Night and EVERYONE has to do it. This is a great way to get everyone together and you can find times in the midst of your time together to get to know what is happening in your child’s world in a relaxed setting. Some of the favorite activities at our house; the arcade, bowling, Scrabble tournaments, Uno, music concerts, and movies.

COMMIT TO IT! – It is easy to let phone calls, email, net surfing, etc. to take your attention away. Don’t let it! Turn the cell phone off, turn the computer off, turn the Blackberry off and truly give all of your attention to your family for your designated Family Time. Don’t let anything intrude on your time and your kids will see how much Family Time matters to you, how much they matter to you.

ENJOY IT! – If you are not accustomed to scheduling a block of Family Time, the prospect of spending a block of unstructured time could seem a little daunting. In order to ease into a comfortable time with your family, you might first want to schedule “activities” that take you out of the house. With activities, there is an opportunity to bond during the activity, but if there is a lull in communication it will be OK because you can focus on the activity.

Aurelia Williams is a certified life coach and author of Real Life Guidance: Finding More Family Time. Take the 1st step to finding more family time today.

A Mommy’s Guide to Making Bedtime Fun!

“I Don’t Want to Go To Bed!”

A Dreambook Adventure - A Parent’s Guide to Making Bedtime Fun!

How many parents have heard their children screeching the words “I don’t want to go to bed!”. Yes, every child’s nightmare is bedtime. Every parent in America with young children must endure the same excuses every night that goes something like this, “It’s still early”, “I’m not tired”, “I just started playing”, or “I want to watch a movie”, yes the list can go on forever, and usually does. I don’t know of any children that look forward to going to bed, and how can you blame them.

Children spend most of their day at school, then go home and do their homework or go to their music lesson, have dinner and then they have a short time to play and bedtime sneaks up on them. A child’s day is filled with activity, and even though parents are exhausted by the end of the day and ready to wind down, kids still have enough energy to keep going. To children bedtime is boring.

According to The National Sleep Foundation (NSF)*, about 69 percent of children 10 and under experience some type of sleep problem. Toddlers (ages 1 to 3) need an average of 12 to 14 hours sleep in a 24 hour period and Preschoolers (ages 3 to 5) need an average of 11 to 13 hours sleep. Making sure children get enough sleep is a common problem for most parents. According to Dr. Rafael Pelayo, MD a specialist from the Stanford Sleep Disorder Clinic in California, he tells kids that “sleep is good for you. Sleep is fun. It’s when you get to dream and you can look forward to your dreams.”

If you’re a working parent, you know that children need to be up early and therefore it’s essential that bedtime is early enough for them to get a good night’s sleep. Another common anxiety for preschool children is their fear of having bad dreams or nightmares. If a parent doesn’t deal with this fear, it may result in the child waking up numerous times in the middle of the night, which will lead to a restless sleep making for a very tired child in the morning. We know that if children don’t get a good night’s sleep then a parent is taking a very cranky, tired child to school which will not turn out to be a very productive and enjoyable day. A good night’s sleep is essential for a child’s brain to develop, and restore and replenish their body energy. You can try to explain this to your child, and they’ll just look at you blankly and say “but I’m not tired and sleep is boring”.

As a mom of two boys who have exhaustive amounts of energy, I had to come of up with something creative to encourage them to get ready for bed without having to chase them around the house and wrestle them to their bedroom. I wanted to show them that bedtime could be fun and that we together, could make it an adventure to look forward to every night.

*Sleep in America 2004 poll

This is why I came up with the concept of the Dreambook. My eldest son was having bad dreams so he always feared going to sleep and he’d wake up a few times during the night. So I came up with a concept called the Dreambook. I told him that when I go to bed and want to make sure I have wonderful dreams, I open up my Dreambook. Children are quite intrigued with this and the first thing they ask is “Where is your Dreambook?” Then you explain, it’s a wonderful place in your imagination, where all your most favorite things can come to life. I introduced this to my son when he was three and his eyes opened up very wide, and he was thrilled with the idea of creating a picture in his mind and began to look forward to sharing his Dreambook with me or his father every night. More importantly, upon introducing the Dreambook the bad dreams never resurfaced, perhaps because his mind was filled with wonderful thoughts each night before he fell asleep.

This is how my book, Dreams In My Dreambook was born. It is a rhyming bedtime story filled with my son’s most favorite dreams. A collection of all things he loves best. I have shared this concept with many friends who have children under 7 years of age, and the feedback has been extremely positive. They’ve told me that their children often ask them “What’s in your Dreambook?”. They’re able to share each others dreams and sometimes turn them into reality by planning a special family vacation or surprising them with something special after school. One working mom told me that she discovered that her son’s Dreambook story was for her to pick him up from school. This broke her heart, because her very busy work schedule never gave her this opportunity, and after sharing his Dreambook experience, she cleared her calendar the next day and picked him up from school. She told me it was a wonderfully rewarding moment to see the sheer surprise and smile on her son’s face when he saw her waiting outside his classroom door. She had no idea how important this was to him until he revealed it to her in his Dreambook.

Bedtime is the most precious time of day, because it allows you to cuddle with your child and give them the love and warmth they are so eager to receive. Dreams in My Dreambook encourages beautiful moments of dialogue between you and your child, allowing you to see the world through your child’s eyes and learn more about each other through the process. These are moments you will want to capture and bottle up forever. At least that’s how I feel every time I share a Dreambook moment with my kids. What better way to end the day.

The Bedtime Clock - A Parent’s Guide To Bedtime Rituals

So what can parents do to establish a smooth transition to getting their children ready for bed? A consistent bedtime routine is truly the key to success. Children need order and as difficult as it is, parents need to instill the routine and stick to it no matter what. I like to call it, the Ooggley Woogly bedtime clock is ticking, and here’s how it goes:

1. 6:00 p.m. – It’s bath time! Every child loves to take a bath. It’s a time for them to play in the water and the addition of some fun water toys makes this a great part of the bedtime ritual.
2. 6:30 p.m. - It’s last call for a snack and water! Parents need to stand firm on the snack and water rule, because children will have difficulty falling asleep with a full stomach. If you have big snacking kids (as I do) they need to know they cannot sneak snacks just before bed, so if they miss this chance there will not be another one. This may take a week before they believe you’re serious and won’t give in.
3. 7:00 p.m. – It’s one hour before bedtime! This is when you show them that when the big hand is on the twelve and the little hand is on the eight it will be time for bed, and that they have 60 minutes to now play with their favorite toys or games. Children
4. 7:45 - It’s clean up time! The kids and I sing a song when we clean up. It’s something they do at school, which is a fantastic way for them to also understand clean up is also expected at home. This also shows children that by putting things away they can easily find them the next day.
5. 7:50 - It’s time to brush your teeth! Let’s make a wee wee and brush our teeth and rush to bed for our bedtime adventure.
6. 8:00 – It’s Dreambook Time! The adventure begins with Dreams In My Dreambook – It’s time to read the story and share your dreams from your Dreambook. Sharing your Dreambook can last up to 30 minutes, and is a wonderful time to share your child’s favorite part of the day or simply allow them to reveal their latest dream.

Stefanie Nastou is a senior marketing executive and children’s book author. To learn more about her book Dreams In My Dreambook visit www.angelfacebooks.com .

Stefanie Nastou
stefanie@angelfacebooks.com
www.angelfacebooks.com

Expecting Twins? Preparing for Childbirth

Although regular childbirth classes may have some useful information if you’re pregnant with twins, most of them don’t adequately prepare future parents of multiples. Many of these classes assume there will be a natural, uncomplicated vaginal delivery, which frequently does not happen with a multiple birth. In fact, close to 50 percent of twins are delivered by cesarean section, which may not be addressed in a regular childbirth class. Talk with your doctor about his expectations for your delivery. If you agree to try for a vaginal birth, a regular childbirth class may have some helpful tips for you, but you’ll still need to get information on the uniqueness of a twins delivery.

Fortunately, more and more classes for parents of multiples are becoming available. For example, the Marvelous Multiples program (www.marvelousmultiples.com ), started by a nurse and mother of multiples, teaches parents about the special concerns and complications with a twins pregnancy, signs of preterm labor, labor and delivery (both vaginal and cesarean), breastfeeding multiples, and managing twin newborns. Check their web site to see if a program is available in your area. If not, your local hospital or local Mothers of Multiples support group should have information on classes for parents expecting multiples. If you know other parents who are expecting twins, you could even hire a childbirth educator who specializes in multiples to meet with all of you together.

Also, keep in mind that there’s a good chance your twins will NOT be born near their due date. A “normal” pregnancy spans 40 weeks or so, but more than 50 percent of all twins and almost all triplets (and other higher order multiples) will arrive before 37 weeks gestation. Many expectant mothers of multiples are also ordered on bed rest, and are no longer able to get out and about to attend classes or prepare for their babies’ birth. For that reason, you should take your childbirth preparation classes in the second trimester.

Talk to other mothers who have given birth to multiples, but also keep in mind that there are plenty of “scare stories” out there. Every experience is different. My twins were born at 39 weeks through vaginal delivery and never went to the NICU, but other parents have had different experiences. By educating yourself as much as possible and being open to the unexpected, you’ll be well-prepared for your own unique pregnancy and delivery!

Coping With Your Stresses And Anxieties As A Parent

Every parent deals with anxieties and stresses, however sometimes our anxieties can get the best of us. As a result, here is a list of techniques that a person can use to help manage their daily stresses and anxieties while maintaining the household.

Sometimes, we get stressed when everything happens all at once. When this happens, a person should take a deep breathe and try to find something to do for a few minutes to get their mind off of the problem. A person could take a walk, listen to some music, read the newspaper or do an activity that will give them a fresh perspective on things.

When facing a current or upcoming task at your job or business that overwhelms you with a lot of anxiety, divide the task into a series of smaller steps and then complete each of the smaller tasks one at a time. Completing these smaller tasks will make the stress more manageable and increases your chances of success.

Another technique that is very helpful is to have a small notebook of positive statements that make us feel good. Whenever you come across an affirmation that makes you feel good, write it down in a small notebook that you can carry around with you in your pocket. Whenever you take a break from your business task, open up your small notebook and read those statements.

In dealing with your anxieties as a parent, learn to take it one day at a time. While the consequences of a particular fear may seem real, there are usually other factors that can not be anticipated and can affect the results of any situation. Get all of the facts of the situation and use them to your advantage.

As a Layman, I know that our anxieties and stresses can be difficult to manage. The more control you have over your stresses and anxieties, the better off you will be in the long run at being a great parent.

Stan Popovich is the author of “A Layman’s Guide to Managing Fear” an easy to read book that presents a overview of techniques that are effective in managing persistent fears and anxieties. For additional information go to: http://www.managingfear.com

The Cheerful Giver

It was another typical Sunday morning for Miss Debbie as she came to teach her toddler class at church. She had an established routine, and the children knew what to expect each week and so did Miss Debbie. However, in dealing with this age group, a child will occasionally do something out of the ordinary, and a valuable lesson is instilled in the lives touched by that occurrence.

“Does anyone have money to share today,” Miss Debbie asked her little ones.


”I do,” a few answered.

“No,” several others responded with a pout, my daughter being one of them.

Wanting her students to learn the concept of tithing, Miss Debbie reached into her purse. She handed a few coins to the children who had forgotten. She then proceeded to collect the money and found the children cheerfully willing to surrender the pennies, dimes and nickels that she had just given to them. Miss Debbie was pleased to see how quickly they had learned the lesson on giving.

The following week, Miss Debbie once again asked her young students if they had money to offer. Like the week before, she found that some had money and others didn’t. Before Miss Debbie knew what was happening, my two-year-old daughter, Lana, had sprung to her feet. She grabbed Miss Debbie’s purse, pulled out her checkbook, and brought it to her.

Taken back by Lana’s actions, she said, “Lana, please put that back in my purse.” Lana instantly complied with the request and placed it back into the purse.

However, determined to share money, Lana continued to dig into Miss Debbie’s purse. Unaware of what she was doing, Miss Debbie suddenly heard jingling behind her. She turned and found Lana holding her change purse and handing out coins. Miss Debbie realized the lesson on being a cheerful giver was being taught to her today. She allowed Lana to give the remaining coins to her little friends. Later, Miss Debbie wrote a check and placed it into the offering plate with a smile.

How To Relieve Financial Stress On Baby Needs

Baby showers are wonderful occasions where families and mothers are aided in surviving the financial strain of a forthcoming baby. Babies, as mothers should know, are very expensive after weighing in clothes, furniture, food, toys, decor, and diapers.

But how does a mother get relief of such stress after the initial support from family and friends? Baby showers come and go- but the financial strain just keeps building. To help avoid stressful financial scenarios, there are indeed a few things mothers can do to better their situation.

The First Step: Take Inventory

After the baby shower an inventory should be taken. A list of what was obtained and what is still needed should be created, as it will serve as a great guide for baby shopping later on. You’ll want to focus on the long-term items such as furniture, clothing, or strollers- since other items such as diapers are depleted within a week or less, and usually have little financial weight.

As for what a family should have for the baby, there are a few things to look out for. Baby strollers, cribs, carriers, and strollers are the most basic of needs. More importantly, there should be safety devices installed on items such as wall outlets, to ensure the best environment for your little one.

Although it was previously mentioned that taking inventory of temporary goods such as diapers and food isn’t necessary, it is usually a good idea as well. Stockpiling diapers and food is a great way to save money if you find sales and discounts here and there. It’s also a nice feeling to have a stockpile of goods to fall back on when a stressful schedule forbids trips to the supermarket (or even your wallet).

Keeping Success High With Cutting Costs

If you’ve followed the above tips, chances are that you’ll be off to a great start. But don’t expect this leap ahead to last long; you’ll need extra supplies sooner than you’d think! The trick to keeping one’s life stress-free at this point is to go bargain hunting.

Bargain hunting was made easy with the invention and rise in popularity of the Internet. Now you don’t have to wait for local supermarkets to have sales on the baby items you need. Instead, simply go to online websites or trade with others at online auctions to barter and buy what you need. This technique has enabled many parents to keep costs minimal; making a stress-free environment for families that would otherwise need aid.

Another good tip is to buy generic goods. Instead of buying diapers with fancy labels, or baby food with expensive packaging and name branding, go for the cheaper products. In many cases, they are just as good or better- and cost a fraction of what the brand name products do. It’s perplexing to find families buy such brands, even though they could be saving hundreds of dollars annually and still be getting the same quality of service.

Final Thoughts on Baby Needs

Above all else, make sure a baby is well clothed, is kept safe, and is comfortably living the perfect life for a toddler. Just remember that babies aren’t as stressful and expensive as some make them out to be- simply learn how to prepare and be thrifty, and the difficulties associated with babies becomes nonexistent. And what a relaxing feeling that is!

Find Baby Bargains - Save Money on Baby Essentials such as Car Safety Seats.

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