Coping with the Loss of Twins or Multiples

The medical risks for twins and multiples are much higher than for singleton children. This can sometimes result in the devastating loss of one or more multiples. This may happen while the babies are still in the womb. Other times, they don’t survive a premature birth. Or a multiple may die later due to complications from a chronic condition, such as a heart problem or genetic disorder. All these deaths can be equally heart-breaking to the expectant parents. The Center for Loss in Multiple Birth (CLIMB) has many publications available for parents and families who have experienced the death of one or more multiples. (Many can be downloaded from their website at www.climb-support.org.) Following are some suggestions from their publication, The Death of Your Twin or Triplet Babies, for parents who are grieving the loss of one or more multiples:

• If their children passed away at the hospital, parents should be allowed all the time they need to hold their babies and say good-bye. Although this is painful, most parents say later that they were glad they spent this time with their children.

• Take photos and videotapes of the babies that can be viewed later. Dress the children in lovely clothes and have all medical items removed from the area.

• Give names to the babies, which can be helpful in grieving for and remembering the babies later.

• If one or more children survived, some parents send out combined birth/memorial announcements. Samples are available on the CLIMB site.

• Find out if the babies were identical or fraternal, which can provide important medical and genetic information about living or future babies.

• Parents should consider joining an infant loss support group, where they will find people who understand what they are going through. Or make contact with other parents who have lost children through the CLIMB site.

• Parents may wish to find a unique way to honor their lost children, such as planting trees in their honor or wearing special jewelry with the babies’ names.

If you are grieving the loss of multiples or a child who was one of multiples, I strongly suggest that you contact CLIMB. From their site: “Our mission is and has always been to ensure that none of us who have found ourselves on the tragic side of the higher risks for twins and higher multiples needs to feel truly alone or like the only one, no matter what the loss or the circumstances. We do this by ensuring that bereaved multiple birth parents have the same opportunities other bereaved parents need and want: to read materials that relate to what we are going through, to talk to others who we know truly do understand, and to gain information that in some way relates to our loss and the challenges we are facing as people and as parents.”

Parents of Twins Have More Mental Health Problems

There’s a reason why they call twins “double trouble.” According to a study presented at the 2008 annual meeting of the European Society of Human Reproduction and Embryology in Barcelona, Spain, mothers and fathers of twins have more mental health symptoms following their babies’ delivery, as well as one year after birth, than do parents of single babies. Although we often hear about women suffering postpartum depression, especially due to elevated hormone levels following a multiple birth, the study also reported that fathers of twins had more anxiety, depression, sleep problems and social dysfunction than other fathers.

The study also compared parents who conceived twins spontaneously against parents who conceived twins through assisted reproductive technology (ART). Mothers of twins who conceived through ART had less symptoms of depression before the birth, probably because they had been better prepared for the likelihood of twins due to their procedures.

Dr. Unkila Kallio of Helsinki University Central Hospital in Finland, one of the study’s researchers, says that her findings support the policy to try to reduce the number of twin pregnancies by encouraging single embryo transfers (implanting only one egg at a time) in order to improve the psychological health of expectant and new parents. Dr. Kallio also recommended better support for parents expecting twins, especially fathers, who usually receive less social support than mothers do. Fathers may also bear the increased responsibility to financially support their growing family, which can add stress to their lives.

If you’re an expectant or new parent of twins, it’s natural to feel tired, anxious and fearful about the monumental changes in your life. But if you find these feelings overwhelming, or they’re seriously affecting your performance as a parent or spouse, be sure to speak to your doctor about the types of support available. Having twins can certainly cause “double trouble” for many parents, but they are also “multiple blessings” when parents receive the proper information, guidance and support they need.

Source: European Society for Human Reproduction and Embryology (2008, July 8). Parents of Twins Report More Mental Health Symptoms Than Parents of Singletons. ScienceDaily. Retrieved July 16, 2008, from http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2008/07/080707100159.htm.

Chicken Soup for the Soul Needs Stories About Twins and Multiples

Chicken Soup for the Soul: Twins and More

Whether you are a twin, the parent of twins, related to twins, acquainted with twins or just simply fascinated with twins, you’re sure to have an inspirational, humorous, or touching story about this relationship! We are looking for stories and poems that highlight the special bond that twins share, the joys and challenges of raising twins, the unique circumstances of their arrival, the “double trouble” that twins get into, the “multiple blessings” of being a twin or having them in the family, and much more! We’d love to hear about triplets, quads and more, too. As with all Chicken Soup for the Soul stories, they should be told in the first person, not be previously published, and not exceed 1,200 words. Topics may include but are not limited to:

• The journey through infertility, resulting in twin blessings
• The joys and challenges of pregnancy with multiples
• The perils of prematurity and life in the NICU
• Getting the good news and sharing it with others
• Sleepless nights and endless feedings
• The incidents that make twins “double trouble”
• The pranks and “switcheroos” pulled by identical twins
• Being a singleton in a home with multiples
• The chaos and silliness of everyday life with twins
• The special bond that twins share
• Adventures in double potty-training
• Getting out and about with twins, whether it’s to the store or on vacation
• Grandparenting twins
• Twins who arrive under special circumstances, such as adoption or surrogacy
• Single parenting with multiples
• Raising twins in a gay household
• The loss of a twin sibling
• Tackling the teenage years as a twin
• Twin tales from preschool, elementary school, high school and adult life

. . . and more!

If your story is selected for publication, you will receive $200, ten free copies of the book (worth more than $100) and a 50-word bio in the book. We cannot use previously published stories, but you will retain the rights to sell your story after it is published by Chicken Soup.

Please submit your stories through the Chicken Soup web site at www.chickensoup.com (click on “Submit a Story”).

DEADLINE: OCTOBER 15, 2008

Expecting Twins? Preparing for Childbirth

Although regular childbirth classes may have some useful information if you’re pregnant with twins, most of them don’t adequately prepare future parents of multiples. Many of these classes assume there will be a natural, uncomplicated vaginal delivery, which frequently does not happen with a multiple birth. In fact, close to 50 percent of twins are delivered by cesarean section, which may not be addressed in a regular childbirth class. Talk with your doctor about his expectations for your delivery. If you agree to try for a vaginal birth, a regular childbirth class may have some helpful tips for you, but you’ll still need to get information on the uniqueness of a twins delivery.

Fortunately, more and more classes for parents of multiples are becoming available. For example, the Marvelous Multiples program (www.marvelousmultiples.com ), started by a nurse and mother of multiples, teaches parents about the special concerns and complications with a twins pregnancy, signs of preterm labor, labor and delivery (both vaginal and cesarean), breastfeeding multiples, and managing twin newborns. Check their web site to see if a program is available in your area. If not, your local hospital or local Mothers of Multiples support group should have information on classes for parents expecting multiples. If you know other parents who are expecting twins, you could even hire a childbirth educator who specializes in multiples to meet with all of you together.

Also, keep in mind that there’s a good chance your twins will NOT be born near their due date. A “normal” pregnancy spans 40 weeks or so, but more than 50 percent of all twins and almost all triplets (and other higher order multiples) will arrive before 37 weeks gestation. Many expectant mothers of multiples are also ordered on bed rest, and are no longer able to get out and about to attend classes or prepare for their babies’ birth. For that reason, you should take your childbirth preparation classes in the second trimester.

Talk to other mothers who have given birth to multiples, but also keep in mind that there are plenty of “scare stories” out there. Every experience is different. My twins were born at 39 weeks through vaginal delivery and never went to the NICU, but other parents have had different experiences. By educating yourself as much as possible and being open to the unexpected, you’ll be well-prepared for your own unique pregnancy and delivery!

Top 10 Things Never to Say to a Mother of Twins or Multiples

1.  You must have your hands full!
2.  Are they identical? (especially if they are clearly a boy and girl)
3.  Did you use fertility drugs?
4.  Do twins run in your family?
5.  Better you than me!
6.  How do you tell them apart?
7.  Are they all yours?
8.  Which one is the smart one?
9.  You’re lucky you got your family all in one shot.
10. I always wanted to have twins!

Greeting Cards for Families with Twins and Multiples

If you’re a parent of multiples, you’ve probably been frustrated at the lack of greeting cards that depict twins. Says Angelice Tyson, “As a mother of two-year-old twins, I have experienced the frustration and disappointment of not finding a card to give from my twins to friends and loved ones.” And so she solved her problem by creating her own company, Gemini Greetings, which makes cards for families with multiples. Angelice notes, “As my twins attend numerous parties for playmates, spend holidays with family or just want to send a card to their Nana, they will now have something to choose from . . . and so will other families with multiples.” Her beautiful cards depict twins and triplets in all sorts of variations (different hair colors and ethnicities), and are available for birthdays, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Valentine’s Day. And she’s making more designs for more occasions all the time. The cards are very reasonably priced, and cost even less if you buy them by the box. They’re blank inside, so you can customize them by hand or on the computer. You can even make the birthday cards into invitations for your multiples’ birthday party! I strongly encourage you to check out Gemini Greetings’ line of cards for multiples at www.geminigreetings.com.

My Non-Bonded Twins

As the author of two books about raising twins, I hear numerous stories about the special connection between twins. Although researchers have yet to uncover any scientific evidence of a psychic connection between twins, their families often have plenty of anecdotal evidence to offer. In the book, Twin Connections: Stories That Celebrate the Mysterious Bond Between Twins, there are numerous examples of twins who seem to share an unexplainable link. One woman goes into labor, and her twin sister feels the labor pains even though she doesn’t know her sister is ready to deliver! A boy hits his head, and his twin sister gets the headache! And there are plenty of stories where a baby has sensed that her twin is in respiratory distress and has alerted the parents, thereby saving the child’s life.
As I wrote in the Foreword to Twin Connections, my twins share a special relationship. At four years old, they understand each other’s speech better than anyone else. They miss each other if one is home from preschool with an illness. But sometimes I wonder if these aren’t the same feelings that any close brothers might have for each other. I can’t say that I’ve really seen anything that borders on the psychic between them. Perhaps it’s because they’re fraternal and don’t share the same DNA. However, there are plenty of cases where boy/girl or other fraternal twins have displayed uncanny abilities. For instance, there’s a story in Twin Connections where a girl feels a very sharp unexplained pain in her finger. She later finds out it was the exact moment that her fraternal twin sister slammed her finger in the door!
Most of the time, twins love that they have someone who knows them like no other. As one woman wrote in Twin Connections, “Being a twin is a gift you are blessed with. It is the certainty of knowing there is one person in the world who truly understands you, fulfills you, gives you support and loves you.” I want my boys to have that kind of relationship. But at the same time, sometimes it appears to be unhealthy for some twins, who rely on each other exclusively and shut out the rest of the world. There’s a fine line between a bonded relationship and overdependence. So, maybe my twins have the best of both worlds—the closeness of having someone who’s always there for them, but the distance that allows them to be their own unique selves. They are twins, and yet they are two very different little boys. Bonded or not, they are both incredible just the way they are.

“Twice the Love” Wins Best Parenting/Family Book in Reader Views 2007 Annual Literary Awards

(Austin, Texas) Twice the Love: Stories of Inspiration for Families with Twins, Multiples and Singletons (ISBN 1-891846-31-0, Twins Magazine, Inc., 2007) was selected as the best parenting/family book of 2007 by Reader Views Annual Literary Awards. Reader Views Annual Literary Awards were established to honor writers who self-published or had their books published by a small press, university press, or independent book publisher.

“Reader Views reviews more than 2,000 books per year from budding authors who have worked hard to achieve their dream of being published,” Reader Views Managing Editor Irene Watson says. “Our Annual Literary Awards recognize the very best of these up-and-coming authors, all talented writers who we know have very promising writing careers ahead of them.”

The Reader Views Annual Literary Awards are granted in 20 fiction and 30 nonfiction categories, as well as 15 specialized, sponsored categories. The entries are judged by Reader Views reviewers, all avid readers with a wide range of experiences, considered experts in the respective fields.

Reader Views is currently accepting submissions for the 2008 Literary Awards. Entry information, registration forms and further information can be found online at http://www.readerviews.com/Awards.html. Reader Views is an Austin, Texas, based company. They started December 2005 as a volunteer-based book review service. Shortly after the company’s birth they expanded into offering publicity services to authors. Now they are a one-stop center for budding authors. For more information, visit www.readerviews.com.

About Twice the Love: Stories of Inspiration for Families with Twins, Multiples and Singletons

Published in conjunction with TWINS magazine, Twice the Love is a compilation of inspirational stories written by parents and other family members about the joys and challenges of raising multiples. Susan M. Heim, former Chicken Soup for the Soul editor and founder of the TwinsTalk web site (www.twinstalk.com), collected these true tales about the joys and challenges of loving twins. Stories reflect a variety of topics, such as the special bond between multiples, typical crazy days in the life of a family with twins, challenges encountered in pregnancy or childhood, humorous situations created by multiples, adopting twins, and much more.

Twice the Love: Stories of Inspiration for Families with Twins, Multiples and Singletons (ISBN 1-891846-31-0, Twins Magazine, Inc., 2007) may be purchased at www.twinsmagazine.com/twice_the_love.html or www.twinstalk.com/twinsshop.

What Is Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS)?

How often are we intrigued and amazed by the sight of identical twins? Little do we know how often identical twins don’t survive pregnancy or birth due to a deadly complication called Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome. TTTS kills more babies every day than SIDS, yet hardly anyone outside the twins community has heard about this potentially fatal condition. Here is a description of TTTS by the Fetal Hope Foundation:

TTTS or Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome is a disease of the placenta. It affects pregnancies with monochorionic (shared placenta) multiples when blood passes disproportionately from one baby to the other through connecting blood vessels within their shared placenta. One baby, the recipient twin, gets too much blood overloading his or her cardiovascular system, and may die from heart failure. The other baby, the donor twin or stuck twin, does not get enough blood and may die from severe anemia. Left untreated, mortality rates near 100%.

The cause of TTTS is attributed to unbalanced flow of blood through vascular channels that connect the circulatory systems of each twin via the common placenta. The shunting of blood through the vascular communications leads to a net flow of blood from one twin (the donor) to the other twin (the recipient). The donor twin develops oligohydramnios (low amniotic fluid) and poor fetal growth, while the recipient twin develops polyhydramnios (excess amniotic fluid), heart failure, and hydrops. If left untreated, the pregnancy may be lost due to lack of blood getting to the smaller twin, fluid overload and heart failure in the larger twin, and/or preterm (early) labor leading to miscarriage of the entire pregnancy.

One in 7 pregnancies with identical twins is afflicted with TTTS. Before the condition could be diagnosed by ultrasound, less than 10 percent of TTTS twins survived. Those who did survive were often greatly impaired. Now the odds of survival have significantly improved through medical intervention during pregnancy and after birth. Many parents of TTTS twins (as well as those parents who have lost twins from this condition) have benefited greatly from support groups. Two such organizations are the Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome Foundation at www.tttsfoundation.org and the Fetal Hope Foundation at www.fetalhope.org.

Please take a moment to watch this moving slide slow about a couple’s journey through TTTS: http://www.ssmpfiles.com/ourtttsjourney/index.html.

The Study of Twins

Twins, especially identical twins, have fascinated humankind for thousands of years. Scientists have been equally enamored with twins because of their usefulness in research. Charles Darwin’s cousin, Francis Galton, was one of the first to suggest in 1875 that studying twins could offer valuable insights into the study of nature versus nurture. Are we more influenced by genes or the environment? Identical, or monozygotic, twins share 100 percent of their DNA. Thus, when scientists compare a particular trait between sets of identical twins and sets of fraternal twins (who are no more alike than any other siblings), they can determine that any additional likenesses between the identical twins are most likely a factor of their genes, rather than the environment. But the research isn’t always fool-proof. For the most part, scientists have found that intelligence is a heritable trait. However, when identical twins were raised in vastly different socioeconomic backgrounds, the twin placed with the poorer family had a lower IQ. So, environment may have an impact on the expression of particular genes.

Although twin studies are being conducted in laboratories and research centers all over the world, they are not without controversy. Josef Mengele, medical director of the Auschwitz-Birkenau concentration camp of World War II, did experiments on 3,000 twins, mostly children, in his effort to create an Aryan race. Only 157 children survived his deadly tests. Fortunately, today’s twin studies are much more reputable and respected. They have provided valuable information on human behavior and health-related issues. One such study showed that autism is largely inherited, a comfort to parents who were told in the past that it was caused by “aloof parenting.”

In addition to established research centers, such as the Twin Studies Center at the California State University Fullerton and the Minnesota Twin Family Study, researchers travel to the annual Twins Days Festival in Twinsburg, Ohio, to sign up identical twins for research studies. Scientists swab saliva, take fingerprints, and fill out questionnaires in an attempt to gather valuable data from twin subjects. Twinsburg attendees have been involved in studies of hearing, fingerprint differences, hair loss, skin diseases, and much more. With DNA testing, twins are also able to confirm whether they are identical or fraternal.

Although some twins may not enjoy being the subject of scientific studies, experts say that most twins feel it’s a privilege to be able to help scientists better understand diseases that affect the human species. Indeed, twins are not only a blessing to their families, but also to medical science and humankind as a whole.

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