During the Great Depression, everyone HAD to use their ingenuity to create gifts conveying their heartfelt love. Here’s some ideas to get you thinking now, during the Great Recession. You could even make a couple of these homemade gifts for each person on your list.

1.  Know a child learning Spanish?  Save several sizes of clean tin cans with unique labels in Spanish, with any jagged points bent safely down.  Fill with slightly used pens, sharpened pencils, paintbrushes, markers, and dried flowers. These make great decorative storage for your el esponol student’s desk or dresser top.

2. Write a letter to your child, niece, or nephew telling them how excited you were before they were born, about their upcoming birth. You could even frame the letter, for a gift, showing your anticipated love.

3. Print out your favorite Bible verse as a small poster. Add a label at the bottom that reads, “Mom’s Legacy Bible Verse” or “Dad’s Legacy Bible Verse.” Others, including your children, love to know what’s on your heart and in your head. Share yourself with them at this level and they will cherish your gift.

4. Give a gift of a picture of you and the gift recipient. Write at the bottom of the frame, “You are Loved.” It could be Grandpa/Grandson, Mom/Dad/You, Daughter/Mother.

5. “I love you all year long.” Write a letter about the year just ending. Make it twelve paragraphs long for each month. Tell the person just how much they meant to you each month of 2008, including a special memory from each month and a canister of homemade granola (granola takes a long time to eat)!

6. “What I’m going to Change, to Love you More.”  Write a card to those on your list, with something that you intend to change/improve, with God’s help, about yourself, in your life this year. Make it something that will make you an easier person to live with. (Now, that will be a welcomed surprise gift to the recipient, a gift that keeps on giving all year!)

7. Shine everyone’s shoes for Christmas morning. Under the tree, have everyone’s shoes lined up looking brand new. It’s an act of service that will be appreciated.  Or, give another act of service, such as car detailing. “Borrow” someone’s car a day or two before Christmas and detail it for them by hand for a Christmas morning surprise.

8. Give a gift of your professional services. Maybe you are a teacher and could offer to tutor. Maybe you are an accountant and could offer tax services as a gift.  How about a plumber, carpenter, or electrician for some home repair services? Perhaps you are a great writer and could help a family member with an updated resume.
Perhaps, you have nice handwriting and can address envelopes as a gift.

9. Regift books you have already read. Wrapping it up beautifully, adding a small letter, detailing why this book was special to you and why you want to bless them by sharing it.

10. Give each person on your list, a souvenir of your life or heirloom. Give them something of your’s, that they would enjoy having. Clean it up, fix it up, and wrap it up.

photo credit: Mr. T in DC

Because this is such a personal aspect of people’s lives many are hesitant and do not pray together. Even amongst Christian’s it was surprising to me to learn that according to FamilyLife, a well-known ministry group, less than 8 percent of Christian couples pray together. That figure blew me away. According to FamilyLife, the main reason that was cited was that they never realized that it was that important to their marriage. Studied also in this group were divorce rates in just Christian couples only. Divorce rate in this group was 27 percent in couples who do not pray together. The couples who pray together have a less than one percent divorce rate.

Praying together is a winner hands down. It is the way that God wants our relationships with our loved ones to be. Praying together takes humility, which everyone is capable of.

How To Get Started:

• Come together and discuss these statistics. Discuss the importance of this in your relationship. Both parties need to agree on this.
• Some time during the course of your day, find a quiet spot to pray together.
• Take turns praying aloud. Try not to feel uncomfortable. This is your mate who knows everything about you and loves you.
• Pray for your family, pray for yours and your mate’s walk with God, strength, courage, your mate’s struggles and your marriage.
• After both of you have prayed remember to thank and praise Him.
• Thank your mate for doing this with you.

This will likely be difficult the first few times, but will get easier. The bond that this creates, however, is well worth every bit of uneasiness. Spiritually powerful and glorious in His eyes, this is what every relationship needs.

photo credit: Daniel Leininger

It is strange the memories that stay with us.  I remember my grandfather on his riding lawnmower and driving his blue car.  I remember him getting ready for work and being in the bathroom putting Listerine (the mouthwash) on his head.  I think he made have had a cut in his head and was using that as a treatment to kill the germs.  (That is what I thought as a child)  I also remember every morning he would eat his bowl of bran flakes.  I don’t remember him ever raising his voice to me and he always encouraged me in whatever I was doing.

My grandfather had heart problems and he died at the hospital from a coronary thrombosis.  My grandmother was with him when he died.  My mother did not make it to the hospital in time.  I was told my grandfather was with the Lord and I would not see him again until I went to heaven.  So, in my mind – grandpa just left and went on a long vacation.  I felt like he didn’t tell me good-bye because he would see me again someday.  I was not taken to the funeral or visitation.  It was the first time my baby sister and I had been left with someone besides my grandparents.  I remember the lady who stayed with us kept asking me what she could do to help mom.  I finally told her she could clean out the refrigerator.  So, she did and my mom was so embarrassed when she returned to find out the lady cleaned the refrigerator.  I have no idea why I told her to clean the refrigerator out – perhaps I had run out of things for her to do.

My grandmother and parents must have grieved in private – because I don’t remember them crying.  I remember going to my grandmother’s house and feeling like it was such a lonely place without grandpa.  I missed him so much and wondered why and where grandpa went.

The wonderful thing is I know I will see him again in heaven someday.  I will cherish the precious memories of him that I have – the most vivid one of him giving me a red Hawthorne bike with training wheels.  I was around five or six at the time.  I learned to ride a two wheel bike on it and while learning to ride I ran into a tree and scraped my knee.  Luckily, the bike suffered no damage.  I was told that he thought the Lord would be calling him home soon and so he wanted to see me receive the gift of the bike.

The Lord has given me a precious gift with these memories of my grandfather that remain with me and I look forward to seeing him again when the Lord calls me home.  The thought I want to leave you with is that children see death in a child like perspective.  I saw death as nothing to fear because to me it was a long vacation for my grandfather and I knew someday I would see him again.

I will always remember my grandmother in her 90’s cooking family dinners for us.  She wouldn’t let anyone help her because that is how she showed her love for her family.  She was raised in the generation where it was a disgrace if you were not married and did not have a man to care for you.  I don’t think she ever understood my choice to remain single and follow the Lord.

My grandmother lost her first husband when she was in her 50’s.  She lived alone and I stayed with her at night for about four years.  Then, she married to a man who took care of her and they had a good life together.  He was a good man-I would spend weeks at a time with them during the summer.  Then, the Lord called him home.  My grandmother then eventually was married again – but I know in my heart this man was verbally and physically abusive to her.  I didn’t realize what was going on until my grandmother was hospitalized and she had marks on her neck from where he tried to choke her.  I reported it to the authorities – but since my grandmother didn’t want to leave him nothing was done.  She came from a generation that you didn’t leave your man under any circumstances.

I tried to convince her that we could get a place together – but she wouldn’t do it.  I believe another reason she refused was they were in a couples club and without a husband she wouldn’t have been included.  My grandmother is with the Lord – but the only regret I have is the wonderful times that we could have spent together and didn’t get the chance.  I have many wonderful memories of childhood and I will share a few of them with you.  One of my most favorite memories was going to the local “Dime Store” and getting a hot dog with a bun.  I can still remember the wonderful smells of the fresh popcorn in the store.  My grandmother and mom would then continue shopping after I had the snack.  Unfortunately, what usually happened was on the way to the next store I would trip and skin my knee.  I remember crying and they would go to a local drugstore and purchase some medication that helped the pain and probably prevented infection.  I just enjoyed being with my mother and grandmother.  The reason this was such a great adventure was that we lived in the country and so going to town and buying a hot dog was a very special occasion.

The last two memories involve a train.  I would go to my grandmother’s farm house to spend the day while my dad worked the farm with my grandfather.  So, my day was usually spent with my grandmother playing with me.  She lived in 2 story farm house with a long stairway that led upstairs.  Grandma and I would spend hours sitting on the steps playing train.  She was the conductor and I was the passenger – she would pretend to stop the train and then give me a list of possible destinations and I would choose one.  Then, we would pretend the train moving and then the train would stop and I would get off.  Then, it would start all over again.  This would go on for hours and only a loving grandmother would have taken the time to play with a child like this.

The next memory I have is that of riding a train in Flora, IL.  I think it was located near a park and (I believe) the train was called: “Little Toot”.  The train was going to be moved to another location – so one day my grandmother took me to Flora and we rode the train all afternoon.  My grandmother told me as we rode the train the last time that day – she wanted me to remember this day forever because someday I would only have my memories to reflect on.  She was very correct because at this point in my life – I have no family that I am close too and since my mom and grandmother are with the Lord – I am so blessed to have memories to get me through the tough times.

So, if I can leave you with one thought – that would be enjoy today and make memories that will last forever.

1) Apologize quickly and sincerely as soon as you realize that you’ve wronged someone (particularly your parents and siblings).

2) Never feel sorry for yourself (self-pity is another form of pride).

3) Stay in control of your emotions.

4) Never burn bridges behind you, in relationships.

5) Nothing is ever gained by quitting.

6) Remember, there are more people counting on you than you realize.

7) Don’t forget that God is at work, even when you can’t see it. God is working right now, in ways you don’t know about.

Love your family!

9) Meet every day with prayer, praise, and God’s Word.

10) Stay connected to the hearts of your family (particularly in a time of testing). To solve a problem with another person, soften your own heart first.

11) Listen to those who love you, before making a life-changing decision.

12) A good name is more valuable than great wealth.

2 Corinthians 7:10 “Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret.”

By Bob and Cheryl Moeller.  Bob and Cheryl, married for 30 years, are parents of 6 (and one-son-in-law), and Co-founders of For Better For Worse For Keeps Ministries, connecting 2 hearts for a lifetime.  Cheryl is a comedian and speaker for mom’s group and blogs at Momlaughs.

That poor woman screamed in pain and torment the whole night.  My mom slept peacefully and her pain was controlled – but I thought that night would never end.  I went to the nurse’s station several times and complained but nothing changed.

This poor woman had no one to speak for her and so was at the mercy of the nurse who refused to bother a doctor or daughter to make something change so that she would not be in pain.  The next morning I was going to file a formal complaint if the lady was not moved to another room or was given something to quiet her down.  I don’t know what happened to the woman because she was moved to a different room that morning.  There is a point here I would like to make – without an advocate if you are unable to speak for yourself or you do not speak for yourself before the Lord calls you home to ask Jesus to be your advocate then you will  be shown no mercy.  You see Jesus died on the cross for our sins and in order to be saved and to have Jesus as our advocate – you must ask Jesus into your heart and to forgive you of your sins and wrongs.  Then, you must surrender your life and will to the Lord and be baptized.  Finally, you must live a life pleasing to the Lord until he calls you home to be with him.

This is as close I want to know how torment or Hell might be.  Even, though I was not in pain nor was my mother – the constant screaming from pain by the woman kept me on edge and because I am compassionate to others –I felt helpless to help her.  I wonder if that daughter had forgotten how much her mother probably did for her – for example staying up when she was sick and comforting her.  I remember the sacrifices my mother made for me – especially when I was sick.  So, it was my duty and privilege to care for her when she was sick, had surgery and finally when she developed lymphoma cancer.  I cared for and was the only one who was with her when she drew her last breath and the Lord sent the angels to carry her home.

So, the point I am trying to make is the pain here on earth does not compare to the pain and suffering that will last forever in eternity and there will be so much suffering and discomfort I cannot even imagine it or describe it.  The story of the “Rich Man and Lazarus” gives an idea of how awful Hell will be.

Luke 16:19-31    (New International Version)

The Rich Man and Lazarus

19″There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and lived in luxury every day. 20At his gate was laid a beggar named Lazarus, covered with sores 21and longing to eat what fell from the rich man’s table. Even the dogs came and licked his sores.

22″The time came when the beggar died and the angels carried him to Abraham’s side. The rich man also died and was buried. 23In hell,[a] where he was in torment, he looked up and saw Abraham far away, with Lazarus by his side. 24So he called to him, ‘Father Abraham, have pity on me and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, because I am in agony in this fire.’

25″But Abraham replied, ‘Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, while Lazarus received bad things, but now he is comforted here and you are in agony. 26And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been fixed, so that those who want to go from here to you cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us.’

27″He answered, ‘Then I beg you, father, send Lazarus to my father’s house, 28for I have five brothers. Let him warn them, so that they will not also come to this place of torment.’

29″Abraham replied, ‘They have Moses and the Prophets; let them listen to them.’

30″ ‘No, father Abraham,’ he said, ‘but if someone from the dead goes to them, they will repent.’

31″He said to him, ‘If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead.’ ”

This is also shown in II Peter 2:4 that God did not spare angels when they sinned – they were sent to Hell.

2 Peter 2:4 (New International Version)

4For if God did not spare angels when they sinned, but sent them to hell,  putting them into gloomy dungeons to be held for judgment;

Revelation 20:10 shows that torment will continue day and night for eternity.  I am hoping that by writing this that you will open your heart to the Lord and will ask Jesus into your heart and to forgive you of your sins and wrongs.  Then, find a ministry that will baptize you and live a life pleasing to the Lord.  I would not want anyone to miss the opportunity to spend eternity with the Lord.  The Lord gives everyone a free choice and so only you can choose whom you will serve –  Choose The Lord and spend eternity in Heaven and have peace for eternity or Choose Satan and spend eternity in Hell for eternal torment.

Revelation 20:10 (New International Version)

10And the devil, who deceived them, was thrown into the lake of burning sulfur, where the beast and the false prophet had been thrown. They will be tormented day and night for ever and ever.

While it’s important to encourage your teens to have friendships with their own peers, it’s also wise to know who your teen’s friends are. How do you get to know them, however, when it seems like your teen is always on the go?

Even though it sounds old-fashioned, if your daughter is starting to date, you may request that every date she has makes a point to come into the house to meet you. She may balk at the thought of having to parade her dates in front of you, but what you’re actually doing is being a good parent and watching out for them.

Be sure you know where your teens are at all times and who they’re going to be with. It’s not that you’re trying to control your teen’s life; you do, however, want to be aware so you can reach them in case of an emergency. Monitoring their activities and their friendships can help you more easily recognize if they’re using drugs, alcohol, or participating in unwise activities.

It’s possible that you know some of your teen’s friends because they’ve been friends since they were children. However, as your teens enter high school they’ll meet new people and make new friendships. These friends can either be a positive or a negative influence on your teens.

Encourage your teen to invite friends over to watch movies one weekend. Let your teen pick out a couple of movies that they know their friends want to see.  Plan to order several pizzas or allow your teen to prepare the meal. Be sure to have plenty of popcorn on hand for when the movie is playing.

Do you have a console gaming system? Your teen may enjoy having friends over to play games over during the weekend. Grill some burgers or hot dogs and let them have fun. While your teen’s friends are there, it gives you ample opportunity to get to know them.

Be interested in the activities your teen is involved in. If they’re athletes, you could attend some of their practices, but definitely go to some of their games. You’ll be able to see who they hang around with on the field and off, as well as supporting them. Do they play an instrument in the band? Try to attend their performances even if it means giving up some of your own activities.

If you’re not comfortable with your teen’s friends, try not to impose restrictions on your teen seeing them. That could lead to them being rebellious and going behind your back to do so. Instead, try to talk to them like they’re adults by explaining your reasons why you have reservations about their friend. If you’re convinced of unacceptable activities, this would be even more of a reason to discourage those relationships.

Getting to know your teen’s friends is important for many reasons. Take the time to meet and spend time with your teen’s friends so you can recognize any warning signs that the friends are a bad influence. If they’re a good influence, instead, you’ll be able to enjoy time with your teen and their friends.

Spending time together as a family is something that strong families do. Some teens are more independent than others, and may not need the extra time and attention. However, your teen may need your undivided attention on regular basis – more than you know. Since you know your teen best, you can determine how much time the two of you need to spend together.

Are they going through a hard time at school? They may need to know that you’re available to listen without judging them. You can encourage them by explaining some of the trouble you faced when you were their age. If they know that what they’re going through is common to teens, it may help them feel better about the situation and themselves.

They may have broken up with their boyfriend or girlfriend and need you to reassure them that it’s not the end of the world. You don’t want to give them platitudes about young love or time heals all wounds. Offer them a shoulder to cry on and an ear to listen.

Perhaps your family has been affected by divorce and your teen feels like the split is their fault. It could also be that since their parents aren’t together anymore they’re feeling vulnerable and that their world has been torn apart. It’s times like this that teens need extra time and attention. You may want to concentrate on them to let them know the breakup of your marriage wasn’t their fault and that you’re not going anywhere. Reassure them that you and your spouse still love them but that you had problems that you couldn’t overcome.

Whatever the situation that makes your teen feel that they need you, you’ll want to know how can you spend more time with them? It’s not as hard as you think. In fact, it could be as easy as eating meals together each night instead of everyone running their separate ways.

You could also try taking up a shared hobby or sport. Has your teen always wanted to try rollerblading? Now would be the perfect time for both of you to take it up. If you have a teen daughter, you may want to spend time going through old photographs and create scrapbooks together – one for each of you.

It’s not really that important what you do to give your teen time and attention. What’s important is that you’re actually spending time together, talking, and listening to what they have to say. They want to know they matter and spending time with them can help accomplish this.

Experts agree that friends and peers are important to children and teens, but there’s no one that can compare to the influence a family has on them. When teens spend regular, quality time with their families, they get the type of support that only families can give. And that support can make a world of difference in their quality of life.

This is a great question and happens to a lot of couples. With the advent of our careers, children, and the fast-paced society we live in, it’s common to have distance develop slowly between couples.

There are a variety of reasons distance occurs, from more serious reasons such as built up anger and resentment and/or a couple’s long-term inability to resolve conflicts to more minor reasons such as taking one another for granted over time.

Research has shown that marital friendship is the core of a successful marriage. Becoming better friends…that is really knowing one another and ourselves in a deep way is a good place to start to bring back some of the loving feelings and “spark” back into your relationship.

There are three aspects of marital friendship that when developed can make a big difference to the overall happiness and satisfaction of your marriage:

1. The first aspect of marital friendship that can make a difference is knowing what makes the other person “tick”. This would include knowing your spouses:

* Hobbies, and why they are satisfying
* Dreams for the future (for family, career, retirement, relationships, purchases), and why these matter to them.
* Sensitive spots…areas of past hurt or embarrassment that you need to be extra aware of and sensitive to.
* Stresses and worries in a variety of areas, and why these are so.
* Favorite way to spend a day, vacation, date, free time; and why this would be enjoyable to them.
* Career aspirations…whether that be in or out of the home, and what need these goals hope to meet.
* Spiritual Life…What is your spouse’s spiritual life like? Is this something of importance to him/her, and is it something you can share?
* Friendships…who are his/her friends and what is satisfying or frustration about these relationships?
* What does your spouse most need to hear when discouraged or down?

2. The second aspect that can deepen your friendship relationship with your spouse is to develop, understand, and practice loving words and actions toward your spouse. Ask yourself: “What are some of the loving words and actions I used to show my spouse when we were dating and first married?” Make a list, and even ask your spouse what types of words or actions you could do that would feel loving to him/her. Start small and try to do 2-3 of these a day. The key is to do these regardless of what your spouse does. One person’s loving actions can sometimes cause a new loving pattern to start. Think of these loving acts as gifts to your spouse, not as a bartering tool for what you want. Even if there are deeper issues that need to be resolved, reforming a foundation of loving actions will make it easier to tolerate the hard issues and feelings that need to be discussed.

3. Make time for your spouse and your relationship in your life. Resist always doing the urgent with work and/or kids. While these pressures are understandable, the accidental result of pushing your spouse to the background can cause a lot of loneliness and resentment. Think of creative ways to connect with your spouse. Some ideas might include:

* Going on a date once a week…time to just be together. It doesn’t have to be expensive, or even take a lot of time. Things like taking a walk, going to a coffee shop and talking, playing a game of tennis, or playing cards can infuse time, fun and closeness that will yield good feelings and build your friendship.
* Spending the first 20 minutes after the kids are in bed to check in with each other. Try to include not only the details of the day, but how you are both doing on the inside. Try to listen, and not correct or fix what the other person is sharing about.
* Spend time each day connecting physically in some way…greet one another with an enthusiastic hug and kiss, rather than a quick “peck”. Hold hands, sit close, give one another a caring touch on the shoulder, etc. These daily connections help to build loving feelings and deepen your relationship. Trying to have a vibrant sexual relationship without the foundation of daily physical touch and emotional connection will not be successful or satisfying.
* If children or work are causing you to be extra busy, distracted, or stressed…talk to your spouse about it. “Honey, I know that I’ve been distracted because of the baby, my work, school, etc. Spending time with you is important to me, even though I’m in this pressure cooker right now. Is there any time we can set aside I the next three days just for us?” Sometimes we think that if we don’t verbalize it our spouse won’t notice or won’t mind. While this is a nice fantasy, it isn’t true, and in fact will triple the hurts feelings and pain.

These are some great places to start to rebuild your friendship and familiarity with your spouse. Make it a goal to do several things each day to show your spouse the love and caring you feel for him/her.

“I get so frustrated with how my husband and I can’t resolve conflicts. Is there a “right” way that works?”

Here’s my answer…This is such a great question! Know that you’re not alone. Many couples feel ongoing frustration over their inability to come up with solutions that satisfy both people. While coming up with a fool-proof plan for resolving conflict is a worthy goal, it is also very important to realize the important foundation that needs to be in place in order for couples to work together to solve conflicts.

According to John Gottman, Ph.D., happy marriages are based on a deep friendship…a mutual respect for one another, and an enjoyment of one another’s company. This deep friendship does not prevent arguments; instead it gives couples a “secret weapon” that helps those arguments not get out of hand.

When couples have not been able to build this friendship, they may find themselves endlessly fighting the same arguments over and over again. Most arguments are not about the issue argued about, but instead are more about a deep frustration or loneliness in the marriage. Interestingly enough, most conflicts around sexual intimacy could be solved by focusing on building the friendship in the marriage first.

It might be helpful to know that couples have different styles of conflict. No one style is deemed better than another. What does matter is that the style work for both people. Another surprising fact is that most marital arguments cannot be resolved, when the focus is on changing the other person. It simply can’t be done. Couples would fare much better to work on building the friendship in the marriage and out of this closeness, work toward coming up with solutions that are good for both people.

In his book, “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work”, Gottman offers lots of helpful and practical ideas for healing and strengthening marriages. I’ll share two now. These hints are helpful when sharing a problem in any relationship you are in.

1. When bringing up a problem, start out softly rather than harshly. Research has shown that most of the time if an argument starts harshly, it is doomed to failure. If you can’t bring up your concern in a calm manner, take a breath, slow down, and try again later.
2. When you share your concern, share a complaint, not a criticism. A complaint shares about a specific action your spouse did or didn’t do that is distressing. A criticism is more hurtful in that it adds negative words about your mate’s personality, character, or motives. For example, a complaint would be: “I’m upset that you didn’t take out the trash like you said.” A criticism would be: “You are so lazy. All you care about is yourself. Are you ever going to take out the trash?” This approach is insulting, and it will be normal for your spouse to become defensive, rather than hearing and addressing your concern. This approach will not get you the result you are wanting.

I wish you well in your work to better your marriage. Don’t give up, the work is worth it!