Finding Your Strength

When you think of the word endurance what comes to your mind? Images of athletes trying to hold on to their strength for their teammates instantly come to mind for me. By definition, endurance means, “the act of bearing pain or distress, continuance; patience; stamina.”

Now think about all of the many things you as a special parent have learned to endure. Whether your child is a few months old or approaching adulthood, I’m sure you know a thing or two about endurance.We have been so very accustomed to being in a state of constant alert—we don’t dare relax and get comfortable, because when we do, some new crisis or setback may occur. So as we go through life, doing all the things we need to do for our child, the rest of our family, our work, and of course, our peace of mind; where does our strength come from? In order to endure we must first have strength and stamina.

I’m certain that if you tried to recall the most recent difficult day with your special child, it won’t take you very long. It was probably a day filled with anxiety, fear, worry, and questions. Maybe your child suffered some kind of setback in his or her development, or his behavior was out of control, or he had to go through yet another surgery…whatever your child’s specific need may be; our feelings as special parents are all the same. So go ahead—find that day in your memory… That was quick.

Our roughest days are so very easy to recall because they were most likely consumed with trauma. Not only for our child, but for us. The details are very clear-sights, sounds, voices, and smells of the event can come flooding back to you in an instant, right? Now I’d like to challenge you to think about how you got through that day. Did you survive? Obviously you did. And in the mean time, you took care of your child and family before, during and after this event. Where did your energy come from? Focus your thoughts on what got you through that day…Your family? Prayer? Your spouse? A resource book? Your friends? My hope is that this is just as easy for you to recall, but because we are always ‘on alert’ for a crisis, unfortunately, our thought patterns can so easily go to the trauma itself rather than how we endured it. I’m sure you have a few sources that you gain courage from that best fit your child’s needs, and your family’s personality as a whole that you utilize the most. In many ways, we are that team member on the playing field of our child’s life, willing to do whatever it takes to win the game of the day. Many of us are the coaches, while some of us like to ride along with the rest of our child’s team and make decisions together. During my daughter’s most recent setback, I noticed many of the resources I go to in order to sustain the day were there as usual—my husband, my faith, my family, my friends, and her physician. Not anything new compared to the previous setbacks. But as the day went on, and I made the conscious choice to focus on how far she has come, rather than the pain of the day, I realized that she is my biggest source of strength. Her smile, her voice, her eyes….and all of the wonderful things she can do as a direct result of her perseverance and determination. She has taught me what it means to endure. She has been leading this journey all along. Regardless of what the delay or disability is called that is part of your child; no matter how big or how small his or her achievements have been up until now, whether a victory for you is defined my him rolling over for the first time or she initiated a social interaction; I’m certain that your child is the leader of your team also. I feel we need to tap into our kids’ energy and stamina so no matter where our days lead us, we always end up in victory. Our kids have amazing spirits filled with hope and joy—they will get us through any battle, and teach us what it truly means to endure.