Mommies Magazine

You Know Gardening is NOT your gift, when…

Posted on 18. Apr, 2009 by cherylmoeller in Mom Humor

• Your roadside stand customers offer to pay you, if you’ll keep your vegetables.
• Your pesticide company sprays you instead.
• You hire a lawyer, to defend yourself, from the class-action lawsuit the locust file against you.
• You’re able to grow more mold in the desert, than veggies in your garden.
• You hire the United States Secretary of Agriculture, as a consultant, to get a row of radishes to sprout.
• Your heart tells you “yes!”; your knees tell you “no!”
• Your weeds are your best friends, not your enemies. (You figure, at least with the weeds, something is growing.)
• You don’t have fourteen trillion zucchinis to pass out in late August
• Your sweat is how you water your garden, causing flooding to kill your plants.
• You buy veggies at the store and then lay them around in your garden, to impress others
• Your woodchucks know your first name and you attend Junior Woodchuck’s high school graduation.
• You attempt to rototill your driveway.
• Your neighbor’s compost heap wins first place in the county fair, instead of your garden.
• You drive your spade deep into the ground for the first time and lights flicker in the neighborhood.
• You planted on New Year’s Day, because the seeds were on sale.
• Your rabbits actually prefer the plastic vegetable display on your kitchen table.
• Your slice of cheese, in the bottom of the frig, is the only thing green growing on your property.
• Your zucchinis are bought by the United Starts Defense Department, for artillery training.
• The only Burpee in your garden is from indigestion.