Mom Standard Time

Mom Standard Time means…I’ll get to it when I can!

Time is relative. There’s EST, CST, MST, PST and in my house MomST which, when translated by my kids, means Mom’s Standard Time.

The kids are bright and know when we have shifted into MomST. It’s usually around the time when three kids are dealing their homework assignments at me like we’re at a poker table in Vegas. The toddlers are hitting the highest soprano notes because they want their afternoon snack, dinner is smoking on three different burners and the dog is dancing around like Snoopy because he thinks somebody is going to take him for a walk.

In the middle of this chaos, I stand tall and bring my hand down in a nice, slow karate chop style and announce to the entire household: “I WILL GET TO IT WHEN I CAN!”

That’s Mom’s Standard Time.

Or when we’re in the grocery store and I have several things I need to remember that I forgot to put on my list. One child is putting things in the cart that we never ever buy, but he wants them anyway. Another child is in my ear asking for something she wants and the third child says: “Are we done yet?” That’s when my eyes close to hot little slits and I hiss: “WE’LL LEAVE WHEN I AM GOOD AND FINISHED!”

THAT’S Mom’s Standard Time.

When we visit a friend’s house and it’s getting late and the kids are tired, but mom is enjoying the company of other adults, the children whine, “Can we go now?” I stare daggers at them and the children all wince because telepathically they hear: “WE’LL GO WHEN I SAY SO!” That’s also Mom’s Standard Time.

And then there are the times when the family is all packed in the car for a long road trip and the children petition unceasingly with endless requests.

“I have to go to the bathroom!”

“I think I’m going to be sick!”

“Can I have something to eat?”

“Tell him to stop touching at me!”

“Are we there yet?”

My head rotates 360 degrees and I bark: “WE’LL GET THERE WHEN WE GET THERE!” That’s Mom’s Standard Time, too.

And, finally, on laundry day when I’m up to my elbows in clothes and mildewed things that I discover at the bottom of the hamper and a child asks when I’ll be done pressing her Capris, I say, “GOOD LUCK!” That’s definitely Mom’s Standard Time.

But at the end of a long day, after a nice family meal, when it’s time to tuck each one in bed and kiss them on their sweet little heads, I say, “It’s time to get ready for bed.”

And the kids all say: “In a minute….”

That’s Kids’ Standard Time.

—————————————————
©Lisa Barker - Jelly Mom™ is written by Lisa Barker, mother of five and author of “Just Because Your Kids Drive You Insane…Doesn’t Mean You Are A Bad Parent!” and is syndicated through Martin-Ola Press/Parent To Parent. To publish Jelly Mom, buy the book or leave comments, please visit http://www.jellymom.com. Sign up for the complimentary Jelly Mom™ weekly newsletter and receive a BONUS GIFT!

About the Author

Lisa Barker writes the award-winning syndicated parenting humor column, Jelly Mom™ - a weekly feature in The Salinas Californian (circulation 19,000) and monthly in School News Roll Call parent’s magazine (circulation 323,000+). Jelly Mom™ has also been printed in The Eureka Reporter, Omaha Family, Mount Shasta Herald Supersaver and Llano Estacado Family Resources in Texas.

See All Posts by This Author