First, be a parent

Our first and most important job as a parent is to protect our children.  I think so many parents (especially mothers) become trapped in the desire for our children to like us, to think we are okay, and accept our parenting.  In that search for the perfect relationship, I think many of us have found that we end up becoming our children’s friend instead of their parent.  Children don’t need friends, they need parents.  Being a parent absolutely has its rewards, but there are times when tough situations arise, and times when a parent has to get tough as well, but reasonably it is for the better of the children we are raising.

I was raised with this principle and it has always been with me, but it was brought to light in the recent exposure of 16 year old Jamie Lynn Spears who recently found out she was pregnant.  While I am certainly not here to pass judgment, I noticed some interesting trends in her mother’s parenting style that I believe may have led to trouble for both Jamie Lynn and her pop star sister Britney.  Not long ago, Jamie Lynn was a brilliant young lady with a leading role on her show, Zoey 101 and a career that she was looking forward to pursuing.  She was thought to have it all, until she grew up too fast, thanks in large part to her parents. 

Hollywood superstars already have lives that are far beyond the realm of most everyone else’s, but there needs to be consistency and rules laid out by their parents that keeps Hollywood kids in a semi-normal lifestyle.  The media hounds and paparazzi are practically begging young girls to grow up quickly so they can get better pictures and have a better story.  After all, normal and calm doesn’t sell well in the media.  Young Hollywood stars don’t have the mental capacity to differentiate between what is right and what the media is hounding them for, and hence they need their parents.  Often times the parents of Hollywood stars get so caught up in making their children marketable that they forget what really matters.  A friendly relationship with ‘best friend’ status looks great on camera and in magazine articles, and that’s what happens much of the time. 

Since Britney was the big cheese, Lynne Spears has been there as her friend and confidante.  While I think that support and friendship are two major parts to a healthy parent-child relationship, it certainly should not be the foundation.  When Lynn was asked about her 16 year old daughter’s pregnancy, she said she was shocked because “she’s never late for her curfew.”  Is she kidding??  She apparently seems to be under the impression that sexual intercourse only happens post-curfew.  She also must have forgotten that her 16 year old daughter was in the process of moving into an apartment with her 19 year old boyfriend, thinking she would be happier there.  This is a mother who is clearly so concerned with being her daughter’s friend that she forgets the basic responsibilities of parenting, like keeping her daughter at home until she is ready to face the world on her own.  While I am sure that finding out your 16 year old baby is pregnant with a baby of her own must have been devastating for Lynn Spears, she went on the other end of the spectrum with supporting and hogging the spotlight right along with her daughter.  She’s stoked about being in the spotlight, and even willing to shed light on the brilliance of her daughter’s pregnancy for an undetermined amount of money provided by OK! Magazine.  Lynne Spears needs to do a reality check on the seriousness of the situation.  It’s not all about cute babies and becoming a grandmother for the 4^th time.  Hopefully she will step up to her role as a mother, forget what her young daughter thinks is fun and take some control over what’s going on in her daughter’s life.  She’s living vicariously through her daughters, hoping to get some of the life back that she feels she didn’t get for whatever reason, but that’s not healthy.  She’s the parent now, so she needs to grow up and act like one.

In a realistic sense, I too am a mother with some of the same issues.  My eldest son is only 9, and certainly not a Hollywood star, but I sometimes have a difficult time being his mother and not his friend.  I’m a big softie, and don’t like to see him upset.  When it comes to consequences for disrespectful behavior, I have trouble enforcing the rules we set forth.  My first thought is that I don’t want to see him upset, and I don’t want him to hate me.  Then luckily reality sets in and I realize that an eight minute time out is far more beneficial and is a step toward learning a life lesson.  Oddly enough, my children are much better behaved when I’m being strict and enforcing rules that keep them in line.  Not only are they better behaved, but they are happier and seem to enjoy life more. 

Children, especially those with celebrity status need love and support from their parents and someone to guide them down the right path despite what is being thrown at them.  Luckily, popularity comes with the territory of being a celebrity, and hence they have a variety of friends to choose from.  It’s so much easier to be your child’s friend, but in the end it is far more rewarding and beneficial to be their parent.  Discipline does not have to come with disrespect.  Children need boundaries and these are their formative years, and eighteen years is typically all you have to raise that child to be a respectable human being.  They need to know that we, as parents are going to be there to guide them, not to act as their friend.  When we act as parents, they can count on a well-respected guiding force to teach them right from wrong.  What we teach them will stay with them for the rest of their lives.  As Dr. Phil says, we are not just raising today’s children, we are raising tomorrow’s adults.