Never to be Repeated

When my husband went to work in Sydney for three months, I was left at home with the kids. I felt like a single mum and I was quite literally tearing my hair out.

Christmas is always a bad time for us. With Christmas presents to buy and all the bills arriving in the weeks leading up to Christmas, finances are pretty tight. What makes it worse is when both you and your partner are unemployed.

My husband thought we would be better off financially if he worked in Sydney for a couple of months. There he would get work easier than in the nearest town. He could live with his aunt and catch the train or bus in and out of the city everyday. This would be a bonus, as to get into the nearest town from here you need to drive; which my husband can not do.

So, it was all organised that after the Christmas holidays (now that we had very little money left), when the kids went back to school, my husband would head back to the big smoke. He did not have any trouble getting work through an agency and had everything arranged so that he could leave work early on Friday afternoons to come back home to us for the weekends.

It was also during this time that my husband’s best friend was getting married, and my husband would be a groomsman. As a result, there were some weekends where my husband did not come home at all.

What my husband failed to understand was how his long absence would affect us all emotionally. Sure, he would come home on Friday nights to spend the weekends at home, but he would leave again on the Sunday afternoon bus. So basically, he was home for less than two days. All the traveling on bus and train from our place to his aunt’s would take anything up to eight hours.

After the first few days stretched out into weeks, my daughter stopped asking when daddy would be coming home. His was soon becoming a face that she saw very little of. My son, being older seemed to be having a more difficult time coping with his father’s absence. His behaviour at home was becoming more and more aggressive and he was becoming a different child at school as well. He told me that one of the older kids at school was bullying him and I went through various discussions with the teachers about this matter. It turned out that my son was either telling lies or stretching the truth.

As for myself, I just wasn’t coping at all. Because my son’s behaviour at home was getting out of control, I was always yelling at him. I felt like a horrible mum and I was getting headaches practically every day. I was relieved when they both went to school and I had time at home on my own. It was the only relief I got. I was becoming more and more depressed, which led to thoughts of suicide. Of-course I would never do that for the sake of my husband and kids, but that was how low I had reached.

My husband’s intention was to work for three months, and although he was asked to stay for longer, he too had had quite enough. He knew the situation at home was getting out of control and his absence was beginning to strain our marriage.

My daughter quickly adjusted to his return, whereas my son was still aggressive. This resulted in confrontations between my son and my husband. I was happy to let them go for it. I had experienced these confrontations more than my husband, and it quickly dawned on him what I had been putting up with.

Eventually, things settled down and our lives got back to being normal. In the end, our financial situation did not improve from the work my husband did. In fact, they pretty much remained the same.

I guess in some ways this experiment taught us how close we are as a family and how much closer we have become. It also taught me that I could never make it as a single mum, and I applaud single mums everywhere. One thing is certain, though. This is one experiment that will never be repeated.

© Debbie Johansson 2006

About the Author

Debbie Johansson is the author of young adult mystery novels and historical fiction. She has written two young adult novels, which are both in the editing stages. Debbie has also written short stories, articles and has been known to dabble in poetry whenever the mood strikes her. She lives in country NSW, Australia with her husband, two young children, a psychotic pomeranian and six paranahs heavily disguised as goldfish.

See All Posts by This Author