Standing Together

I was getting ready one morning to attend a playgroup I’d never been to before. As I tried on my third outfit I realized that I was stressing more about how I looked for these other moms then I do around men. It is hard to find that perfect medium between too casual (i.e. lazy and unappealing) and too prissy (i.e. “who does she think she is?”). Women are incredibly critical of other women. We are holding ourselves back in the world and allowing for false ideals to be established because of how we view and talk about each other.

Look at it this way: there’s a men’s baseball team, not a professional one, just one made up of a mix of men from an office; all different bodies, hairstyles, jobs, incomes, and skill on field. These men come out every week to practice and play ball against other teams. How often, while sitting on the bench talking to each other, are they saying, “Look at Mark, he’s just hit three home runs for the team, who does he think he is!” “Well, Sean over there just had his hair done and I swear it’s awful!” “I’m just glad I don’t have a gut like Tom! I can still fit in my high school jeans.” I’m not saying that men don’t feel insecure and competitive around other men, but generally they have learned through life to accept one another and “play together.” Women though have not only been impressed upon by the media to compete with each other, but also through the comments passed between each other. A brotherhood exists among men, but women are rapidly losing our sense of sisterhood. Men do make derogatory comments about women, they do pass judgement and have stereotypical views of what women should do and look like, but women are empowering them in these thoughts. We are creating stereotypical ideals with our verbal slander of our own sex. Women are influential teachers and leaders of our families and homes. Children learn the role of men and women at home first. When woman are bonded together it will teach them a correct view, one free from slander and false ideals. Women are in competition with women. Just look at the huge sensitivity over stay-at-home moms versus working moms. If a woman is too pretty she is often termed a “slut” or her negative qualities are brought out to downplay her attractiveness. If a woman is overweight or unattractive as compared with societal views, women talk behind her back about qualities they are thankful NOT to have. If a woman is successful she is often referred to as a “witch” or control freak. If she does “nothing” but be a lifetime mom, she is not making the most of her life. Women are in competition over everything, and when we voice these competitive thoughts, we are setting a precedent for everyone around us. I was discussing these feelings with a friend who works retail at the mall. She later said it made her think about the criticism they say and hear at work. “She must be sleeping with him..she only married him for the money..she needs to lose 10 pounds to wear that..she’s only a teacher / a housewife / a sales associate.” She wrote to me later that she had been thinking on these critical thoughts and said, “What you describe IS a sickness of our souls, surely. And I am convicted in my lack of sisterhood. You’ve made me very aware of something that ails us.” Awareness is the beginning to the end of anything that ails us.Labeling each other, calling each other names, creates separation and builds a sense of alienation. Loving means including, bringing into your heart every part of womanhood and respecting the choices, differences and beliefs we all have. Abuse creates low self-esteem, and when being abused, women internalize the criticism and outside behaviors as part of themselves. When we speak of other women in a slanderous way we are continuing a cycle of abuse instead of a cycle of sisterhood. We do not ask for or create abuse, but when we disrespect other women and ourselves we are opening the door for it.I know that society has set up some pretty high standards of what we should look like and what we should do with our lives, and these standards are not a true sense of reality. This false reality will only change once we change our thought and speech about each other. Most of
America has heard talk of “internal dialogue” and “self-image vs. body-image,” but let’s define them again here. Internal dialogue is how we speak of ourselves to ourselves. Self-image is often a result of internal dialogue - our impression of ourselves. Body image, which is how we feel our body looks, especially in comparison to others. Good internal dialogue results in good self-image, which often helps create good body image. Women as a whole need to improve our internal dialogue about each other, therefor improving our self image as a sex and with that will come a body image based on acceptance and compassion. I was watching The Apprentice where one of Trump’s advisors is a woman. My instant feeling was that I would rather have the male advisor than the female one because she looked so mean. In truth, Trump and both advisors are stern business people. Yet, my insecurities and social learning lead me toward the two men more than the woman. What kind of woman would you have to be to make it that far in the business world? Probably very smart, very quick, self-sacrificing, etc. And yet what goes through my mind: aggressive, uncompassionate, and mean spirited. When Hillary Clinton began getting politically strong, she was attacked in the same way by a lot of women. We fear women in power. We fear supermodels and the ideal they set. We fear heavy women and the idea that that could be us. We are ruled by this fear because of our insecurities as a sex. When we begin to see the feminine in the Divine, God, we will see the power, beauty and strength that is reflected in ourselves.We will never have the bodies presented on television – we’re not supposed to. We are supposed to be individual and beautiful in many different ways. I consider many of my friends to be attractive women and yet I know for a fact that my husband would still choose me as his wife if we were single because I am beautiful to him. We all look different, we all have different beliefs and different opinions on success and how to raise children, but we are supposed to have this. We should not only accept our differences, but also relish them and cherish them and embrace them. They are what make us women.
We could site various media for the images put out before us and how that has affected our lives, but what difference does that make? The media plays off the fear of the public and what are we as women more afraid of than each other. This slander will go on as long as we allow it. As long as we make comments behind each other’s backs to each other, our husbands, our kids, we are prolonging this situation. As so many of us begin looking toward our inner dialogue about ourselves and trying to correct the negativity we put on ourselves, we need to be including in that change the inner dialogue about others. We need to have compassion, a sense of sisterhood, a love and respect for all other women. When we love and respect each other, we are teaching our spouses and children and friends to do the same and over time this alone is what will begin to wipe about abuse and fear and society’s false ideals . We will create a strong sense of sisterhood and a safe environment for ourselves and women to come. With God as our Father and Mother, there is a reflection of both male and female qualities. These female qualities do not need to threaten or divide us as women, instead they can bond us with our one Mother as sisters in love and compassion.