Coping with the Loss of Twins or Multiples

The medical risks for twins and multiples are much higher than for singleton children. This can sometimes result in the devastating loss of one or more multiples. This may happen while the babies are still in the womb. Other times, they don’t survive a premature birth. Or a multiple may die later due to complications from a chronic condition, such as a heart problem or genetic disorder. All these deaths can be equally heart-breaking to the expectant parents. The Center for Loss in Multiple Birth (CLIMB) has many publications available for parents and families who have experienced the death of one or more multiples. (Many can be downloaded from their website at www.climb-support.org.) Following are some suggestions from their publication, The Death of Your Twin or Triplet Babies, for parents who are grieving the loss of one or more multiples:

• If their children passed away at the hospital, parents should be allowed all the time they need to hold their babies and say good-bye. Although this is painful, most parents say later that they were glad they spent this time with their children.

• Take photos and videotapes of the babies that can be viewed later. Dress the children in lovely clothes and have all medical items removed from the area.

• Give names to the babies, which can be helpful in grieving for and remembering the babies later.

• If one or more children survived, some parents send out combined birth/memorial announcements. Samples are available on the CLIMB site.

• Find out if the babies were identical or fraternal, which can provide important medical and genetic information about living or future babies.

• Parents should consider joining an infant loss support group, where they will find people who understand what they are going through. Or make contact with other parents who have lost children through the CLIMB site.

• Parents may wish to find a unique way to honor their lost children, such as planting trees in their honor or wearing special jewelry with the babies’ names.

If you are grieving the loss of multiples or a child who was one of multiples, I strongly suggest that you contact CLIMB. From their site: “Our mission is and has always been to ensure that none of us who have found ourselves on the tragic side of the higher risks for twins and higher multiples needs to feel truly alone or like the only one, no matter what the loss or the circumstances. We do this by ensuring that bereaved multiple birth parents have the same opportunities other bereaved parents need and want: to read materials that relate to what we are going through, to talk to others who we know truly do understand, and to gain information that in some way relates to our loss and the challenges we are facing as people and as parents.”

Interesting News Stories About Twins and Multiples in 2007

Multiples are always newsworthy when they are born, but in 2007, there were some especially unusual stories about twins, triplets, quads and quints. Here is just a sampling of some of the items that made the headlines:

• A two-year-old girl in India underwent surgery to remove extra limbs after she was born with four arms and four legs. Doctors say she was joined to a “parasitic twin,” which stopped developing in the womb. The fetus’s body parts were then absorbed by the surviving child. The little girl, Lakshmi, is named after the four-armed Hindu goddess of wealth and is considered by some to be a reincarnated goddess.
• A mother and her daughter, Andrea, came face-to-face with Andrea’s identical twin during a chance meeting—a twin neither ever knew existed! Apparently, a husband-and-wife doctor team delivered the twin babies and, without telling the parents, adopted one as their own. The doctors claim that the biological mother knew about the twins and only wanted one, but the biological parents deny the doctors’ version of the story.
• In May 2007, Chris and Lori Coble lost all three of their young children in a horrible traffic accident. Now, Lori is pregnant again, and expecting triplets! Coincidentally, they lost two daughters and a son, and the triplets are also two girls and a boy.
• In August 2007, a Canadian woman gave birth to rare identical quadruplets. All four girls were listed in good condition even though they were born two months early. Chances of having identical quadruplets are about 1 in 13 million, and there are less than 50 sets in the world.
• Over Labor Day weekend, a woman gave birth to Florida’s first set of sextuplets. The five boys and a girl, all weighing between 2 and 3 pounds, were born more than two months early.
• On December 21, 2007, Ashley Patterson, 20, beat 500,000-to-1 odds to give birth to identical triplets in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. A single mother, Patterson was told by doctors that she could never have children as an ovarian cyst was blocking egg production.
• A set of ten-year-old quintuplets is in the midst of a custody battle between their parents in which the father is accusing the mother of “serious psychological control issues” for keeping the children on a strict vegan diet. The father claims she even restricts them from visiting their paternal grandparents because they own leather furniture.