Managing the Every Day Stresses of Being In A Relationship

How can a person manage the every day stresses of being in a relationship? Well it is not easy, however here is a brief list of techniques that a person can use to help manage their every day stresses and anxieties while in a relationship.

Sometimes, we get stressed when everything happens all at once. When this happens, a person should take a deep breathe and try to find something to do for a few minutes to get their mind off of the problem. A person could take a walk, listen to some music, read the newspaper or do an activity that will give them a fresh perspective on things.

Another technique that is very helpful is to have a small notebook of positive statements that make us feel good. Whenever you come across an affirmation that makes you feel good, write it down in a small notebook that you can carry around with you in your pocket. Whenever you feel anxious, open up your small notebook and read those statements.

When facing a current or upcoming task that overwhelms you with a lot of anxiety, the first thing you can do is to break the task into a series of smaller steps. Completing these smaller tasks one at a time will make the stress more manageable and increases your chances of success.

In dealing with your anxieties, a person should learn to take it one day at a time. Instead of focusing on exaggerated assumptions that may or may not happen, focus on the present and rely on the facts of the present situation.

Although I am a layman and not a professional I have interviewed many psychologists and clergyman and I have over fifteen years of experience in dealing with fear. I realize that our anxieties and stresses can sometimes get the best of us, however there are many helpful resources available to us. It might take some hard work and persistence, but it is possible to find those answers in managing your anxieties.

Stan Popovich is the author of “A Layman’s Guide to Managing Fear” an easy to read book that presents a overview of techniques that are effective in managing persistent fears and anxieties. For additional information go to: http://www.managingfear.com

Do Not Let Your Fears Stop You From Being In A Relationship

Do not let your fears stop you from being in a relationship. Here are a few suggestions on how you can manage your fears before getting involved with someone.

Always remember to get all of the facts of the given situation. Gathering the facts can prevent us from relying on exaggerated and fearful assumptions. By focusing on the facts, a person can rely on what is reality and what is not.

Learn how to manage your fearful thoughts that may be difficult to manage. When experiencing a negative thought, read some positive statements and affirmations that help lift your spirits and make you feel better. Remember that your fearful thoughts may be exaggerated so balance these thoughts with realistic thinking and common sense.

Take your problems to God. God is stronger than your stresses and anxieties. When the going gets tough, talk to God about your problems as if you were talking to a friend. Be persistent and be open in the avenues that God may provide to you in solving your problem. It is not always easy, however God is in control and he will help you if you ask him.

Don’t tackle all of your fears at once. Manage them one at a time. Try to learn what is the real source of your fears and anxieties. Knowing what the source of your problem is can go a long way in finding the solution. Think about it and try to figure out what is the source of your fears and anxieties. If you do not know, then ask a professional.

Managing your fears and anxieties will take some hard work. Trying to avoid you problems will do nothing in getting rid of your fears and anxieties. Remember that all you can do is to do your best each day, hope for the best, and take things in stride. Patience, persistence, education, and being committed in trying to solve your problem will go along way in fixing your problems.

Stan Popovich is the author of “A Layman’s Guide to Managing Fear” an easy to read book that presents a overview of techniques that are effective in managing persistent fears and anxieties. For additional information go to: http://www.managingfear.com

Handle Your Fears One Step At A Time While In A Relationship

Your fears, anxieties, and other relationship related problems have the best of you and you don’t know what to do. You try to manage your anxieties, but are not able to do so. At this point, what you need to do is to be smart in how you manage your stresses while your in a relationship.

The most important thing to remember is to manage your fears and anxieties one step at a time. Some people make the mistake of trying to get rid of all of their fears at the same time. When they do this, they are unsuccessful and the fears and anxieties continue bothering the person.

Try to find out what is causing all of your anxiety. If you have trouble, then use the services of a professional to find out what is the source of your fears.

Once you know the source of your anxieties, then try to break the source of your fear into a series of smaller steps. Completing these smaller tasks one at a time will make the stress more manageable and increases your chances of success.

For instance, let’s say that you have a fear of speaking in front of a large group of people. In order to get rid of this fear, get into the habit of speaking in front of 10 people. Once you feel comfortable, then try speaking in front of 20 people, then 30 people, and so forth. As you feel comfortable doing this, gradually increase the number of people you speak to. Breaking the overall goal into a series of steps will make it easier to get over your fear of speaking in front of a large group of people.

In addition, learn to take it one day at a time. Instead of worrying about how you will get through the rest of the week or coming month, try to focus on today. Each day can provide us with different opportunities to learn new things and that includes learning how to deal with your problems. Focus on the present and stop trying to predict what may happen next week. Next week will take care of itself.

As a Layman, I realize that our anxieties and stresses can sometimes get the best of us, however remember to tackle each fear one step a time. It might take some hard work and persistence, but eventually you will be successful in conquering your fears.

Stan Popovich is the author of “A Layman’s Guide to Managing Fear” an easy to read book that presents a overview of techniques that are effective in managing persistent fears and anxieties. For additional information go to: http://www.managingfear.com

What You Must Know about Your Teens Eating Disorder

Common eating problems for adolescents include compulsive overeating related to anxiety, depression and even food fads.

Also, anorexia nervosa and bulimia, are two psychiatric eating disorders that are on the increase among teenage girls and young women; also, they often run in families. In fact, it has been estimated that in the U.S. alone, as many as 10 in every 100 young women suffer from an eating disorder. Anorexia nervosa and bulimia also occur in boys, but much less often.

It is important to remember that the clinical psychologist is trained to evaluate, diagnose, and treat these disorders. They are characterized by your teens obsession with food and the serious distortion of his or her body image.

How can you identify symptoms of these eating disorders in your teen?

Unfortunately, adolescents often are able to hide these serious disorders from those with whom they live for many months or even years. As a parent, you should be alert for various warning signs of anorexia nervosa and bulimia, including the following:

A teen with anorexia nervosa is typically a perfectionist and often a high academic achiever; however, she simultaneously suffers from low self-esteem. If your teenager irrationally believes she is fat, regardless of how thin she actually is or becomes, take note. Desperately needing a sense of mastery over their lives, these troubled teens experience a sense of control only when they are able to say No to their bodys normal nutritional demands.

If this is your teen, you will notice her almost single-minded pursuit to be thin by her drastic reduction in caloric intake. This dysfunctional behavior can even reach the point of inflicting serious physical damage to her and, though unlikely, even lead to her death.

In bulimia, rather than strictly starving herself, your teen would intermittently be binging on huge quantities of food, then purging her body of the calories by deliberately inducing vomiting or using laxatives. These binges would sometimes be interspersed with severe dieting which would result in dramatic and dangerous weight fluctuations.

Teenagers often attempt to hide the signs of vomiting by loudly running water while in the bathroom. Their caloric purging imposes a serious risk to your teens physical health; it can dehydrate the body, cause severe hormonal imbalances, seriously deplete important minerals and cause damage to the vital organs.

However, through the treatment of a psychologist, your teen can be relieved of his or her symptoms or reduce their intensity or severity. Therapy for eating disorders usually requires an interdisciplinary or team approach. This includes the use of individual therapy, family counseling, nutritional guidance and sometimes medication.

Your adolescent may also suffer from other psychiatric issues; including anxiety, depression, and alcohol or drug abuse and should get treatment for these as well.
Scientific studies demonstrate that early identification and treatment of these problems leads to better results.

If you notice symptoms of anorexia or bulimia in one of your kids, call a clinical psychologist who is experienced in the treatment of eating disorders.

Dr Shery is in Cary, IL, near Algonquin, Crystal Lake, Marengo and Lake-in-the-Hills. He’s an expert psychologist. Call 1 847 516 0899 and make an appt orlearn more about counseling at: http://www.carypsychology.com

Ten Benefits to Maintaining Good Relationships

Strong positive relationships are essential to achieving our success - whether they are work relationships, family relationships or relationships with others in our communities. We’re in almost constant contact with others and we should make every contact an opportunity to strengthen our social skills and reinforce our relationships.

With that in mind, here are ten benefits for maintaining good long-term relationships:

1. Trust: Long-term relationships are based on trust. When we trust others, we are more relaxed, comfortable and willing to be ourselves without any pretenses or trying to maintain a facade of someone we’re not.

2. Acceptance: Once we experience trust with others, we can be honest about our weaknesses and shortcomings because we’re confident that we will be accepted for who we are, without judgment or criticism.

3. Support: Our lives go through many changes, some planned and some take us by surprise. In either case, they often take us out of our comfort zone and challenge us to grow and become more than we were before. Good, healthy relationships give us the support and encouragement we need to rise to new and different challenges.

4. A Kind Ear: Having someone who will listen non-judgmentally when you’re feeling down or frustrated and want to “vent” gives you the freedom to express yourself. Sometimes you just need to get something off your chest without feeling like you have to watch every word you say.

5. Understanding: When someone knows you well enough to understand where you’re “coming from” and instantly know the context in which you’re speaking, it’s easier to open up. Individuals in long-term relationships have a history of shared experiences that build a mutual understanding so they “get you” without a lot of explanation.

6. Someone to Call On When You Need a Hand: Everyone, from time to time, needs a hand from a friend, colleague, peer, or family member. This can be in the form of advice, a new job, or assistance with a particular project in which you need to call on another’s expertise.

7. Referrals and References: You can count on the people with whom you have a good relationship to give you a positive reference or referral - they’re more likely to be a good advocate for you and expound on your strengths and strong points.

8. Share and Celebrate: Celebrating with people who truly care about you and want celebrate with you when your life is going well, when you secured a promotion, or when bought your first house is a ton fun. Being acknowledged for your accomplishments is a rewarding experience and when you have good relationships, most want to be part of celebrating your success.

9. Reduced Stress: Sharing your life with friends and coworkers who you trust, who accept, understand and support you reduces stress because you have camaraderie and, therefore, less potential for interpersonal conflicts. Good relationships bring about the best in work teams and families by reducing the anxieties that cause stress and, at the same time, good relationships cultivate a sense of well-being and emotional security.

10. Happiness and Satisfaction: Having good relationships mean that there’s a mutual like for one another. Being around people you like and who like you create situations that are harmonious, supportive, and well, happy. You have an overall feeling of satisfaction in your life - be it at work, at home, or in your community.

Now, here are ten benefits others will receive from having a good relationship with you:

1. Trust
2. Acceptance
3. Support
4. A Kind Ear
5. Understanding
6. Someone to Call On When You Need a Hand
7. Referrals and References
8. Share and Celebrate
9. Reduce Stress
10. Happiness and Satisfaction

Did you notice that the list was exactly the same?

The strongest and best relationships are made when all parties give and receive. If you want these ten benefits for yourself, you have to give them to others.

Too often we look at relationships with a “what-do-I-get-out-of-this?” perspective. That’s not how good relationships work. It’s about give and take.

Think about what you want out of a relationship, then give it. You’ll be surprised at how much better your relationships become!

Laurie Wilhelm is the author of the Express Yourself to Success. This eBook and website are designed to help you achieve success more quickly by using strong verbal communications skills. Achieve your success by working with others through improved social and interpersonal skills, public speaking, networking, negotiation, and conflict resolution. Find out how you can give your career a boost by going to www.expressyourselftosuccess.com.

Can A Bad Relationship Be The Result Of An Unhealthy Body And Mind?

Your life can be affected in many ways by having an unhealthy body because of poor eating habits and the lack of exercise. But can your love life be affected?

When a new relationship is started with that certain someone special, then you want it to last as long as possible. A healthy relationship needs to be established in order to achieve that. You will want to ensure that you have a healthy body and mind in order to have a well-built relationship with someone.

How can a relationship be made healthy? By having secure, self-esteem and confidence in yourself will result in a healthy mind, resulting in you being aware of what you want out of life. Self-determination can be achieved when having a healthy mind, which will help you to believe in yourself and undertake things yourself, not depending entirely upon your partner.

By having an unhealthy mind, you will have very little or no sense of worth or self-confidence. Communication becomes absent because you are in your own little world and only look to your partner for direction in your life, which will place a weight upon the shoulders of your partner.

A healthy body is when you take care of yourself. An effort is made to maintain a healthy weight and you take pride in your appearance. You don’t smoke or drink or undertake anything that would give grounds for damage to your body over a period of time.

On a regular basis you undertake exercise in order to keep your heart in a healthy condition and consume a sensible diet. You keep a positive attitude which makes your partner want to spend quality time with you.

You will certainly have an unhealthy body when you cannot be bothered to take care of yourself or your body. You let yourself go while smoking and drinking. Most of the time you consume junk food and your waist inflates.

You don’t undertake any form of exercise or do anything that would maintain a strong heart because you cannot be bothered and do not care about yourself. You have a bad mental attitude, which results in your relationship breaking up because your partner does not wish to spend any more time with you. After all, you can’t fault your partner. If you don’t care about yourself, then why should they?

A positive attitude can be acquired once your body and mind are in sync with each other. This will keep the line of communication with your partner fully open. This will allow you to listen to your partner which will help you to support them if they require. It is more likely that you will do whatever is necessary in order to keep your relationship solid.

Avoid setbacks at all times and take a stand on your physical and mental health. Do not allow setbacks to obliterate your state of mind or have an impact upon your health for the long term. Maintain a healthy body, mind and relationship.

Kevin Sinclair is the publisher and editor of My-Personal-Growth.com, a site that provides information and articles for self improvement and personal growth and development.

Don’t Take It Personally! Dealing With Rejection, Criticism And Judgments

Someone looks at you ‘funny’ or speaks to you with ‘that tone.’

And you start thinking: How dare she treat me that way. Who does she think she is? I don’t deserve this.

You cringe. You feel yourself flushing. Anger starts creeping up. Wow, it doesn’t take any time at all for her look to set you off. One minute you’re ready to explode. The next, you just want to crawl into the nearest hole.

“Ohmigawd, I can’t stop myself. I’m out of control. Where on earth did this reaction come from? How can this be happening? How can I be behaving so badly?”

And before you know it, you’re taking it personally.

Here’s how we take things personally:

* Assuming there is intent even when there isn’t.

* Taking things the wrong way, as a personal affront or put-down.

* Believing people are taking sides - for you or against you.

* Getting upset when other people don’t see things the way you do.

* Feeling hurt or slighted or insulted or wronged or attacked.

* Taking something as a personal failure - feeling blamed or blaming yourself.

Think about it this way: when we are taking something personally we’re feeling rejected in some way.

When you are able to get some distance from it, you realize your knee-jerk response is all out of proportion to the other person’s behavior. But in the moment, when you are feeling dissed or attacked, all you are able to do is defend yourself.

How how NOT to take things so personally:

Take some distance from it: You can train yourself to dis-entangle from the uncomfortable situation. By recognizing your own rejection triggers, and noticing how you react, you’re giving yourself some distance.

* Take time-outs: Creating enough distance can slow down your over-reactive response. Taking a “time out” works great. Breathing slowly while counting to 10 is one kind of “time out. Excusing yourself and going into the kitchen to get a drink of water is another.

* Identify your blind spots: Getting some distance involves recognizing your blind spots. How can you change something if you are unable to see it? It’s a lot easier to change behavior when you’re aware of it.

* Ask yourself these questions:
“Might I be taking this personally?”
“What part of me is feeling rejected, judged or criticized? ”
“What am I telling myself?”
“Is this an old message? ”
“Where did it come from? ”

* Then, walk alongside yourself: What do you notice about your reactions? This “naming” and “noticing” opens up space for making choices about how you want to deal with rejection.

* And it gives you choices. You don’t have to continue down the same path once you realize how you got there. You CAN choose to back up to that fork in the road and change direction. Success comes a step at a time and with practice.

* Finally, try to put yourself in the shoes of the other person. What might they be thinking? How might they be feeling? Once you can get out of the center of your own orbit, you won’t feel so much like a target.

Usually whatever was said or done to you says more about the other person and their fears than it does about you!

Trouble is, we tend dwell on it. We replay what the other person said. We attempt to guess what they meant. You really can’t read their mind. Guessing is never as efficient as checking something out.

Ask them if you think you heard them say is what they meant. You may find out your perception is different from their intention. And that’s a good thing.

Consider how much energy you will save if you don’t have to dwell on the interaction to try figure it out. Asking saves a lot of time and energy.

Copyright Elayne Savage, PhD

Elayne Savage, PhD is The Queen of Rejection(TM) - communication coach, professional speaker and author of ‘Don’t Take It Personally!’ and ‘Breathing Room-Creating Space to Be Couple’ (in 9 languages.) You’ll find useful tips on dealing with rejection and not taking things so personally at http://www.QueenofRejection.com.

What Is Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS)?

How often are we intrigued and amazed by the sight of identical twins? Little do we know how often identical twins don’t survive pregnancy or birth due to a deadly complication called Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome. TTTS kills more babies every day than SIDS, yet hardly anyone outside the twins community has heard about this potentially fatal condition. Here is a description of TTTS by the Fetal Hope Foundation:

TTTS or Twin-to-Twin Transfusion Syndrome is a disease of the placenta. It affects pregnancies with monochorionic (shared placenta) multiples when blood passes disproportionately from one baby to the other through connecting blood vessels within their shared placenta. One baby, the recipient twin, gets too much blood overloading his or her cardiovascular system, and may die from heart failure. The other baby, the donor twin or stuck twin, does not get enough blood and may die from severe anemia. Left untreated, mortality rates near 100%.

The cause of TTTS is attributed to unbalanced flow of blood through vascular channels that connect the circulatory systems of each twin via the common placenta. The shunting of blood through the vascular communications leads to a net flow of blood from one twin (the donor) to the other twin (the recipient). The donor twin develops oligohydramnios (low amniotic fluid) and poor fetal growth, while the recipient twin develops polyhydramnios (excess amniotic fluid), heart failure, and hydrops. If left untreated, the pregnancy may be lost due to lack of blood getting to the smaller twin, fluid overload and heart failure in the larger twin, and/or preterm (early) labor leading to miscarriage of the entire pregnancy.

One in 7 pregnancies with identical twins is afflicted with TTTS. Before the condition could be diagnosed by ultrasound, less than 10 percent of TTTS twins survived. Those who did survive were often greatly impaired. Now the odds of survival have significantly improved through medical intervention during pregnancy and after birth. Many parents of TTTS twins (as well as those parents who have lost twins from this condition) have benefited greatly from support groups. Two such organizations are the Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome Foundation at www.tttsfoundation.org and the Fetal Hope Foundation at www.fetalhope.org.

Please take a moment to watch this moving slide slow about a couple’s journey through TTTS: http://www.ssmpfiles.com/ourtttsjourney/index.html.

Penny Bail Bond Anger Tip: Add Gray To Your World

It was our 5th pre-marital counseling session with 34 year old Natasha, a professional woman, and 32 year old Emir, a mortgage broker. The day before, she had unknowingly called him at work at a very bad time; he was in the process of losing a $5000 commission because one of house deals was falling out of escrow.

In session Natasha said: “You snapped at me when I called and that was disrespecting me; I won’t put up with a man who disrespects me.”

Emir replied: “Honey, I didn’t disrespect you, I was just under tremendous stress and I snapped a little-it was not directed at you; I was just frustrated.”

Therapist to Natasha: “Sometimes, part of loving someone is learning to interpret their behavior in a context (because we know them so well) without taking their bad behavior so personally.”

Natasha: “NO. People should say what they mean. If he was upset over work, he shouldn’t have taken it out on me. Why should I have to interpret him?”

Many participants in anger management classes admit they are there because they see the world as “black and white” with nothing between.

“Things are either right or wrong,this way or that way. People should say what they mean and mean what they say.”

Sounds good on the surface. Who could argue with that? But when you think about it, what is wrong with this concept? The main problem is that just because you heard something a certain way, does not make what you heard absolute fact. Why? Because we all listen with certain listening filters, platforms or agendas that sometimes distort things.

What is said is not necessary what is heard, especially in the emotional and relationship realms.

When trying to communicate with each other, things are simply are not that clear cut. Many issues are “gray” because they are based in perception and viewpoint rather than hard facts. Those that rigidly adhere to the “black and white” principle and insist in seeing things in rigid extremes often find themselves frustrated, disappointed and angry.

To reduce your anger toward marriage partners, family members, co-workers, and relatives, try developing the skill of seeing things as having more than one perspective. Rarely are people 100% right or 100% wrong on most of the issues that people conflict and argue over. It is possible for both parties to be partially right at the same time that they are both partially wrong.

At the end of one of our anger management classes, one of the participants joked: “What do you call a person who brags about his or her philosophy of my way or the highway?”

Answer: (drum roll) “Divorced” (or single).

Dr Tony Fiore is a licensed psychologist, anger management trainer, and community education consultant to Penny Bail Bonds Company. Read more of his articles and discover other useful community resources at http://www.pennybailbonds.com

Divorced Dads Tips: Christmas and Holiday Access: Long distance Holiday Solutions

What do the courts have to say about an ex-wife who does not answer the phone, place children on the phone to speak to them about Christmas and Birthday gifts, to confirm that they have arrived?

What can you do when you call everyday and do not get an answer? What do you do when you want the kids to visit and your ex-wife says “take me to court.”

Sometimes these orders happen because the divorced dad does not even bother to show up in Family Court for the hearing. That’s always a bad idea. Here’s why according to one such father. She initially held court without me to set the visitation at reasonable and I have not seen my children since.

Well, part of what the problem is, you have not got really the right kind of order in order to make the kind of progress that you want. For example, as long as you just have an order that says reasonable visitation, what does reasonable mean? Well, that is all open to interpretation. What you need is you need an order that gives you specific access, specific dates, and specific times and if she is disobeying that, then you have got to be very vigorous in taking her in each time in order to demonstrate to the court that there is reasonable grounds for coming back to court.

But it can get even worse when you and Mom live in two different states or provinces.

When you live in a different state or province than where the kids are living, it is not like you can walk into that court in the jurisdiction where the kids live. You live in a totally different area of the country. What do you do in a case like that?

First, the unfortunate reality is this: Because that kid is living in a different jurisdiction, that is where all the action is going to be taking place. This is one of the biggest problems that happen when you have a move away and it can be the most frustrating one. The best suggestion that I can give a parent in that situation is you have got to go follow your child, and nail down the jurisdiction with a non-removal order.

Not having such an order is often why the problem has come about in the first place, as Judges don’t let move-away’s happen too easily. And when they do, usually you can really nail down the jurisdiction if you follow.

The reason that you have got to go follow ultimately is because the fight is going to be happening in a court where that that child is. If you are not there, picture this that you use procedure that allows you to put paperwork in at your court then your paperwork goes and it travels to the other courts. So, it goes into court where the mother lives. Here is what is going to happen. The mother is going to be heard with her lawyer and who is going to be speaking for you? Your paperwork.

And who will be speaking for your ex-wife? Her lawyer.

It is possible, but again more often than not, when we are talking about inter-jurisdictional matters, if you are not actually there at the hearing it has been our experience that you are not taken in seriously.

However, when you turn up at these hearings, I mean even if you have to travel from where it is that you are living then participate, you are taken darn seriously.

The judge usually looks at someone like that if they have traveled a great distance to come and attend at a hearing that they are much, much more serious. We do understand that there is always is going to be financial constraints.

If you’re bothering to spend money on a lawyer, you will also want to make sure that that lawyer is really advocating for you by being there and watching that process. Sometimes you do have to step in and say, “Your Honor, I would like to just add to what my lawyer or attorney has just said,” so that you can expand on things the Judge needs to know.

You know your case better than anyone. You are living it. Your lawyer does not necessarily know it to the degree that you do.

One imperfect solution is virtual visitation. It is getting ordered by the courts. It is not a perfect solution, but it is at least a foothold in order to get consistent contact in some manner and some contact is always going to be better than no contact.

This is what virtual visitation is: Basically the child will be sitting in front of a computer with a camera and then dad or one of the grandparents are sitting at a computer in their home in a totally different part of the country also in front of a camera.

It is a video call - It is so much more intimate and so much more fun and interesting to have that kind of a visit with a child than just a phone call. There are throughout the United States and now there is legislation that has gone through, it depends on your state. We are hoping to actually get a pretty amazing guest on our regular teleseminars in the future.

This gentleman actually developed the software for virtual visitation and he has also put together legislative procedures and so on and has been responsible for changing the legislation in several states all over the US to include this as part of the family law within that jurisdiction. So, it became part of a court order so that if mom moved away or if dad moved away, he could still ask for virtual visitation over and above the summer holidays.

If you find yourself in these situations you will need mentoring and ideas in order to make progress in your difficult Family Court matter, which is why we have weekly calls where you can get the help you need.

Danny Guspie - Executive Director of Fathers Resources International can help you learn the successful strategies of fathers who have won in Family Court. Join us on our weekly calls at
DivorcedDadWeekly.com where we will share with you what works for successful divorced dads.