Watching Out for Angry Words

“He that is soon angry dealeth foolishly…” Proverbs 14:17 KJV

My nine-year-old stood at the door, leaving it wide open. His pet bird was out of the cage, so I told him to shut it quickly before the cat came in or the bird took off. But different thoughts were swirling through his mind.

“Sister quit the game we were playing,” he informed me.

“Close the door.”

“She left right in the middle of it,” he continued.

“Close the door now. The bird is out.” I could see the cat sneaking up the back porch.

“Now she won’t play with me.” He kept going on and on, and the door was still open. I was tired and aggravated, and I wasn’t about to let him keep ignoring me. I had had enough.

“Close the door!” I shouted out in anger. My son jumped back, closed the door, and retreated to the yard. Of course, I followed him out of the house, ranting on and on about how he should have done it the first time I asked him. The bird was out, and it could have been killed. Blah…blah…blah….

Somewhere in that lecture, I’m sure he tuned me out. If it were me, I would have tuned me out near the beginning. An effective discipline technique? I would say “no.”

I once heard someone say that if we were pulled over for speeding, and the police officer fussed at us and gave us a long lecture on the dangers of fast driving, would we speed again? Probably. I’ve never known an angry lecture that was effective in changing behavior for any length of time. What keeps us in check the next time we get in a car? A ticket that costs fifty dollars or more.

The consequences for our children’s disobedience should be equally effective. Instead of lecturing, I could have walked over after telling him the first time, closed the door myself, and gently held his chin and turned his head until we were looking eye to eye. In this way, I would have saved the birds and commanded his attention. I could have then explained the urgency of the situation to him until he acknowledged that he understood. Finally, I could have addressed his concerns about his sister.

What would have been the result? My son would have a real lesson in listening, and I would have a lesson in self-control. “He that is soon angry dealeth foolishly”… I’ll be wiser next time.