What About Dads?

What About Dads? So much of what we read and talk about has to do with moms of children with special needs. What about dads? They have feelings, too. With a little insight from my husband, Michael, we hope this will be the first of many articles that may recognize and help all the “special” dads out there. We all know the stages of grief we go through when the dream of f typically developing child in our life is gone. Men are very emotional beings in their own way, and their makeup allows them to be in the anger mode and stay there much longer than women. Traditionally dads are used to being the caretakers and breadwinners in the family and they are accustomed to having some sort of control over what happens to their family. As we all know, when a doctor tells us our child has some kind of a disability, we have no control. They are the “fixers” and when they first realize that they can’t fix what is happening to their child, and to their entire family, it can be devastating. In usual circumstances, they can usually step up to the plate and take care of whatever needs fixed, but raising a child with a disability changes the playing field a bit. When they first learn of their child’s disability, the fixer in them just does what they have to do to repair as much of the situation as possible. They are always the pillar of strength for the whole family’s sake; while on the inside they are crying and screaming—just like mom is usually doing on the outside. One of the most productive ways my husband and I take advantage of the fact that he is the “repair man,” while I am the emotional one, is that we feed off one another. Jim Brickman’s song says it very simply, “You are strong when I am weak, you are the words when I can’t speak…” Almost immediately, when one of us is having a bad day, the other musters enough strength for both of us to get through whatever may be happening that day (testing, blood work, doctor’s appointments, therapy, etc.). To dads everywhere, the small “repairs” help them feel they are gaining some kind of control over their family situation. The better we moms and dads are at this, the more good days we will have. Another way dads can feel they are gaining some control is to continue to be the “fun” parent. They can fix things by finding ways to play with all of their children, regardless of disability. Maybe they just need to fine-tune the activities to meet the needs of all their kids—something that comes naturally to dads! Dads have a lot to offer to their special children and do so much to support and strengthen their whole family. Give recognition to them today by thanking them for being the pillar of strength and for fixing things the best way they know how.