When the Older Kids Get Less Attention

I sometimes feel guilty for having twins. Don’t get me wrong, I love my twins dearly, but to say that they’ve impacted the dynamics of our family would be the understatement of the year! I miss the days when I could go to the movies with my two older sons, or drop in on their school activities, or just browse leisurely with them at the bookstore. Thankfully, my older boys are mature enough not to blame the twins for the cessation of these activities, but I know they miss our spontaneous outings, too. I’m always so preoccupied with taking care of twin toddlers that I just don’t have as much spare time to spend with the older ones. When the twins were babies, there was always the problem of working around naptimes and feeding schedules. Now that they’re almost three, the obstacles are more behavioral. Twins this age just can’t sit still for a minute! I’m sure that as they get older, our entertainment options will increase, but my older boys are growing up (the eldest is almost 17!), and being able to do things together is getting more and more remote. I guess this is natural. After all, in the “old days,” families were much bigger, and older kids just became accustomed to making room for the younger ones. They knew they had to share their parents’ time and attention with the other kids. In our family, though, my older boys had me to themselves for 11 and 14 years, so it was a huge shock to learn that my time was no longer as available when the twins arrived. My older children are certainly more independent now, but it doesn’t mean they don’t still need my loving care. So, my resolution for 2007 is to try to carve out more time for my older children, and I hope you’ll follow my lead if you’re in the same situation. It’s a good lesson for the twins, too, to learn that they can’t be the center of attention all the time. All of our children, whether twins or singletons, are special! Make sure they know that.

About the Author

Susan M. Heim is a writer and editor, specializing in multiples, parenting, women’s and Christian issues. A former Senior Editor for Health Communications, Inc., she specialized in the bestselling Chicken Soup for the Soul series, as well as teen, religion and other self-help books. Susan is the author of Oh, Baby! 7 Ways a Baby Will Change Your Life the First Year, Twice the Love: Stories of Inspiration for Families…with Twins, Multiples and Singletons, and It’s Twins! Parent-to-Parent Advice from Infancy Through Adolescence. Susan's articles and essays have appeared in many books, magazines and Web sites. In addition to her own projects, Susan enjoys developing proposals and manuscripts with many high-profile authors. She is a member of the National Association of Women Writers and the Southeastern Writers Association, and has a degree in Business Administration from Michigan State University. Susan lives with her husband and four sons in south Florida.

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